For many, the holidays are a stark reminder that not all in their life is merry and bright. We all know people whose challenges and heartaches come into painful focus with holiday expectations. The elderly dealing with loneliness and declining health, those struggling with isolating mental illness, the family grieving the death of their child, the hardworking parents waiting for a job to pan out, the family going through a heartbreaking divorce, the orphans who wish only for a family, a child or adult dealing with lifelong health challenges, those far from home serving in the military or on missions, the caregiver that is worn out. Holidays can bring a mix of happy and sad emotions to many.
The last couple of years our daughter that needs daily medical care has felt a difference in the air at holiday time. During the holidays she is easily triggered by little things that normally don't bother her so much. She is already handling so much with her daily health care, the increased stress of the holidays is felt more. There are more tears, more running away crying. More questions like, "Why are we gone from home so much?" and "Why do I have to do the things I don't want to do? (medical care)" I struggle to find answers for her. I have to keep the holiday preparations simple so that I can be calm, and be there for her. We have tried lots of things to deal with the emotional questions- looking at pictures of when she was born and explaining the medical side, watching videos of other children with challenges, making a card or painting for someone else, watching funny videos, and lots of arts and crafts.
A few days ago I was struggling to answer her questions, "Why?" The thought came to tell her about the Garden of Eden. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had only beautiful plants and trees. God was there, they could see Him and talk to Him. Fruits grew on trees, and everything was peaceful and good. After Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, not all the plants were good. Outside of the Garden of Eden, the good and bad plants grew together. Adam and Eve had to learn to pick the good. Like the prickly weeds in our garden, the bad plants just come up along with the good plants. When we go back to Heaven, it will be only good, beautiful things. Because Heaven is where God lives. But here on earth, the good and bad are mixed together. We can learn to tell the difference between good and bad, and choose what is good. We can learn to hear Jesus' voice again and talk with Him again. After the difficult questions and tears, she bounces back to her cheerful, smiling, joking 5-year-old self. I am amazed at how quickly she recovers, and at how happy and confident she is. Those conversations pull at my heart. I don't bounce back as quickly from having to answer the hard questions about the unfairness of life to a little child.
The fluff of holiday expectations is stripped away when dealing with more difficult issues. I ask myself, what is this Christmas season really about? It is about love. Not the decorations, not the parties, not the food, not the gifts we buy.
The first gift of Christmas was pure love from our Father and Mother in Heaven- it was baby Jesus. That gift of love changed the world forever. Jesus was born to be our Heavenly Father and Mother's sacrificial lamb, to atone for our sins. How difficult it must have been for them to watch their son be crucified, how much love for us that had to take. Jesus came to give us forgiveness, the ability to change, to become clean and whole again. Jesus came to show us how to love, how to forgive. He came to walk with us in our challenges so that we wouldn't be alone in finding our way. He came to show us the way, to be our way.
Jesus came to be with the elderly man, so he wouldn't be alone in a nursing home. He came to cry with family grieving for their lost child, and to give them hope of a resurrection that would last forever. Like he did for Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus died. He came to give love and compassion to those suffering with mental illness. Jesus came to be a Father to the fatherless, to be their loved one when they had none. The man waiting to be healed at the pool of Bethesda had no family, no one, to lift him into the water to be healed. Jesus saw him and lifted him up, and healed him. Jesus came to give hope and faith to the family that is without a job. Jesus filled the nets of the fishermen disciples just as they heading back to shore after a long night of work, without any fish to show for it. Jesus provides for those who love him.
He came to give love, encouragement and peace to his son or daughter that is going through a divorce. Jesus sees the heartache of each of us. Jesus came to walk with my little child with difficult medical needs.
Jesus came to give help and strength to each of us in our challenges. Jesus walks with us not only in a figurative sense, but in a literal sense. That is who He is. What a difference his love has made to me. My trials have brought me to Him, without the humbling experiences, I might not have seen his love all around me. His love has truly changed the world!
How ironic it is that many of us believe Jesus loved us enough to die for us, but we also believe he is far away from us. We think of Him as far away, up in Heaven somewhere, too busy with more important things to be involved in our lives. If you think about it for a minute, you can see the contradiction here. If you loved someone enough to die for them, wouldn't you be 100% interested and involved in their life? Somehow we believe that we are unworthy of Jesus' love and that Jesus is very far away. Those thoughts come from the adversary. Jesus willingly went through that terrible sacrifice, because in His eyes, we are worth it. He doesn't love us because we've earned his love through good behavior, He loves us because that is who He is. Jesus not only sacrificed his life for each of us, but would help us through anything we have to go through, and literally be with us as our best friend. Jesus puts his arm around us and comforts us in our trials. He does not leave us alone. He does not delegate our deepest needs to others, even church leaders, Jesus himself is our shepherd.
When our daughter was about 3 years old, she often woke up saying Jesus was with her in her dreams. I asked her what Jesus was doing when he was in her dreams. She said Jesus would hold her and help her go to sleep. What a huge comfort it was to me that with all the medical stuff she had to go through, she was a calm and content baby, she slept so soundly. The only times she didn't sleep was when she was sick. I believe she was telling the truth, she was too little to make it up. I believe Jesus really was with her, helping her fall asleep, so that we could both rest. That is the Jesus I love, the one that wants to be with us, and help us daily.
A couple years ago, our child with special medical needs had a very difficult test to go through. She was 3 at the time. We knew what was coming, because she had this test before, and she'd screamed for the entire 45 minutes last time. We prayed as a family for her the night before, and prepared as best we could- treats, a soft blanket, a teddy bear. She was old enough we could communicate with her, and I hoped she could understand. I thought this time would be easier. The hospital had a music therapist come and play her guitar and sing gently to her. But it was still a very difficult test. She cried and screamed almost the entire test, and fought against the nurses like a little tiger. As she was crying, clinging to me, I looked up and silently asked, "Where are you, God? I thought you were going to help us!" In my mind, I heard his gentle words to me, "I am. I am helping you." As the test finished, they told us that the results were good, better than the last time she took the test. No further interventions would be needed at the time. Even though it had been difficult, God did not leave us alone, He had been with us. she is doing so well, and we thank God for the progress she is making. The progress she is making is miraculous. She is doing so great!
Another name for Jesus is Emmanuel- it means "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). He really is with us. Emmanuel is not only a long ago angelic proclamation but a real-life description of His love and companionship with us. He tells us "I will go before your face. I will be on your right and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." (D&C 84:88)
Isaiah also tells us about Jesus love for us. His words became part of the song "How Firm a Foundation". Jesus himself is our firm foundation, not anything else. "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness . . . For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; for I will help thee. Fear not, thou worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the Lord, and thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel" Isaiah 41:10-14. He continues in chapter 43 vs 1 "But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour; I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Sebba for thee. Since thou was precious in my sight . . . Fear not; for I am with thee." Did you catch how many times the Lord tells us to fear not, and that He is with us?
Have you felt Jesus with you, fulfilling his promise to you? Have you seen the love He is showing you personally? How can we more fully receive the gift Jesus is this Christmas? Can we believe Him more, when He says He is with us?
At Christmas, with all the commercialism and encouragement to give many gifts, I wonder "What can I give that would have any meaning?" Often I am too tired to give anything that wouldn't feel insignificant. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the only valuable gifts are those that can be purchased, or experienced physically- the food, the parties, the entertainment, the decorations. Hopefully, we can recognize the more important gifts that aren't physical.
I can give love. I can give understanding, compassion, and patience, as each person is dealing with big challenges. I can see the goodness in them, and love them where they are. Just as Jesus loves me where I am, and teaches me at my level. Often I am wrong, my sins and pride make a mess of things, but Jesus loves me and sees the good in me anyways. With Jesus, He always gives correction, which I am in much need of, but He gives an abundance of love too. I can love others as Jesus loves me, that is what He asks of me. "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another" John 13:34. I can be thankful for the people I know, love them where they are, not waiting to love them until they see things from my point of view. The gifts of friendship, of forgiveness, of love are gifts I can give. These are meaningful gifts.
I struggle to keep love deep enough in my heart that it doesn't fly out the window at the first contrary thing or challenge of patience. Charity, the pure love of God, seems the most fleeting, yet it is the most important of the virtues or gifts. Maybe that is why we need to focus on it. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gives a great lesson on the pure love of God, charity. "Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. . . And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." Without charity, all other gifts fail. All efforts are meaningless without love, pure love. Moroni tells us "Pray unto the Father with all energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God" Moroni 7:48.
Holidays bring challenges for so many that carry heavy burdens. We can give love, patience and understanding to each other. And point everyone to Christ, the only one who truly understands and loves perfectly. He is our Saviour. Jesus is the gift we celebrate! The Lord told me once, to fill my cup with His love, so that I can give my loved ones from the love He has given me. I hope I can focus on giving true love, like Jesus' love freely given to me. What a gift of love our Jesus has given to us! Thank you Jesus for your perfect love for us all! You are our Shepherd, our King, our Saviour!
Below is a link to a beautiful video and song about how Jesus is with us.
David Phelps, The Name Lives On. Clip by Produtora Inspire
