Wonderful Counselor

Desert evening primrose on rocky trail

 I wanted to share a few experiences that have taught me about Jesus' love for you and me. Some of them have to do with parenting, and special needs, that is where I have learned more about the Lord. A couple years ago I was walking. It had been a very hard day for our child with special medical needs the day before. I had just heard about another little girl with similar conditions that had been unfairly treated medically, leaving her with lifelong ramifications.  My heart ached for these little ones, for what they have faced and for what may still lie ahead for them. I felt angry at the injustices of people who don't understand, adding to the load already carried by these children. I asked the Lord to walk with me and to help me feel peace again. I apologized to the Lord for my anger and frustration, "Sorry I don't have anything nice to say to you." The Lord answered "It's OK, I can take it, I can take your anger. Tell me." I saw myself banging my fists on the Lord's chest, crying, angry, frustrated at the injustices of our fallen world. He didn't turn me away, or reproach my feelings, he just listened. I felt that these little children are in his hands, and that they had been doing a great work, bringing people to Him. He reminded me of the blind man in John in whom was manifested the power and works of God (John 9). My anger evaporated. In it's place was peace, not my own, but peace given to me from the Lord. When I turn to Jesus, the Savior takes my ugly, angry feelings, and in return gives me understanding and peace, helping me through the trials. What an amazing friend we have in Jesus. What love he has for each of us!

It is amazing to me that the Lord has all of his beautiful creations- forests, waterfalls, oceans, all of what He has made is His to be in. Yet it is our brokenness, our lowly and messy lives that he chooses to work. He nurtures the seed of faith and trust in Him, encouraging it to grow. So often I feel like my life is muddy and my feelings are not reverent or holy yet Jesus does not turn away from us. 

One barrier to seeking the Lord is when we feel we will never be able to do everything just right, never be worthy of the Lord answering our prayers. Whether God speaks to us is not at all a reflection of our worthiness, but rather a reflection of God's amazing continuing condescension and desire to work with us.  In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve saw their own nakedness, or their brokenness, their sin and vulnerability before God, Satan told them to hide, to be ashamed of being seen by God. He told them to cover themselves with fig leaves. God came to the garden, knowing they had disobeyed, but still looking for them and wanting to talk with them. When we see ourselves in our vulnerable, broken, sinful state, the devil tells us to hide, to hide away from God. Sometimes I reach the end of my patience and I reach for something to fill the emptiness. We all have at least a few coping mechanisms, some unhealthy, others healthy. When I am at that point, often I feel ashamed of being so tired, so empty of patience and love, and am afraid of saying or doing something that would bring further regret. The adversary tells us we are not worthy to talk to God when we feel this way and that we should be ashamed. The moments when we feel most broken are exactly when God wants most for us to talk to Him. God is looking for me, for each of us. When we see our sins and feel naked before God, at the end of our rope, that is when God is most looking for us and calling our name. Jesus suffering and great sacrifice for us is His cloak of love thrown over us, the covering of our nakedness before God. His sacrifice for us is what gives us grace. What amazing love He gives us! How wonderful our Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior are!  How could I turn to false sources of comfort when the Lord is so understanding and so full of love for me? I have started trying to pray at those times instead of hiding away from God. He tells me things like "You did a hard thing today. I saw how hard you tried. Tomorrow you can try again. I love you."   Where I turn for comfort when I feel broken tells a lot about where my heart is. Do we really love God as much as we say we do?