When it rains, the rainwater washes down our driveway, bringing a fine layer of soil with it. When our children were younger, this smooth dirt was enticing to them. They loved to run their fingers through the cool silt. They said it was "fairy dust" and would throw this dirt up in the air and throw the dirt on each other's heads. It was funny to watch how completely dirty they would get, and how simple their fun was. I let them play because they were my youngest, and I knew this magic would fade as they grew. I thought that we must all look like dirty toddlers to our Heavenly Father, all in need of a good bath and cleaning. We like to point fingers at how dirty our brothers and sisters might be, but we're not much cleaner if any at all.
I'm always catching judgmental thoughts in my head and tossing them out, but they keep coming! One time I felt frustrated, seeing some mistakes others were making, and feeling judgmental of them. Yet I could see some of those same mistakes and problems in my own life. I asked the Lord, "Don't you ever get tired of the MESS that we all are? How do you have it in you to show love to us all the time? How did you show love at the cross when you were so tired and had gone through so much suffering?" He told me that he had given and shown love so many times before, that it had become who He is. Kind of like when electricity flows through a channel for a long time- it retains the memory in its cells. Maybe over time love will become automatic if I keep choosing to see others with love instead of judgment, it's a daily struggle for sure.
While we want to avoid judging others unfairly, some judgment is necessary to know who we can trust, and to decide how to spend our limited time and energy. A little while ago someone who I considered a friend came over, but this time I wasn't sure if they were sincerely a friend or if there was something else going on. After they left, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me understand their heart, and what their intent was. The Lord answered by asking me a question, "How do they speak about those closest to them in their family?" Unfortunately, it wasn't good. Another time some of our friends were talking about Zion, and Edward prayed and asked the Lord about Zion. The Lord's response was a question, "What makes you think you can build Zion with other people, if you haven't built Zion in your own home? Worry about building Zion in your own home before you worry about building Zion with anyone else." This isn't a reflection of Edward, he gives being a father and husband everything he has, and is adored by our children. That's just the Lord's speaking plainly. The work of living what Jesus taught- loving and forgiving each other, is first practiced in our home. It is easy to maintain appearances publicly, but actually living Jesus' teachings of forgiveness, humility, kindness is most genuine and real at home. "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment." John 7:24 When Jesus tells us to judge a righteous judgement, part of it is honestly looking at ourselves and recognizing we have repenting and work to do in the relationships that matter most- our families. Jesus is the only righteous one.
Recently I had an interaction that made me think. A friend who has been kind in the past, expressed concern because I am not attending church. She said that some outside of the "covenant path" of church might make it to the tree of life, but that they would come crawling on their hands and knees. I didn't know if she was referring to our family's challenges, it felt like she was. In her view, the right way is to stay on the church path, and we aren't there. We all have moments where we feel like we're crawling on our hands and knees- in or out of the church. That interaction reminded me that I also judge others without knowing their hearts. Maybe we are trying to analyze what we don't understand in our mortal, flawed, human way, instead of allowing each other to be held in the Lord's capable hands.
A few days later, I read John 9 about the blind man being healed by Jesus. The disciples asked the Lord, "Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents that he was born blind?" In the question of the disciples is a huge assumption. The disciples assumed that sin is the cause of this man's challenge.
I am so thankful that the disciples didn't omit their very human questions in the records they made. Many of our own questions are found in what the disciples asked Jesus. Why do I struggle so much with what seems so easy for others? Is there something I have done wrong? Who sinned here? When I hear about others' difficulties, I am tempted to think of their faults too. Assuming challenges are a result of sin is ignorant of how the Lord tutors and teaches all of us. It is ignorant of God's mercy and incredible love for his children. How easily we ascribe personal trials to God purifying the righteous (we all think that's us!). Yet we see others challenges as their merited, just reward for their sins. How little we know and see of Jesus' mercy, love and grace for all of us, and how willing the Lord is to talk to us and help us! We are all blind in many ways to the majesty and miracles Jesus places around us every day. We are all beggars before God, and yet he loves us and sees something worth saving in us.
Jesus answered his disciple's question about the blind man, as always with astonishing truth and love. "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."
What a contrast between how we see each other and how Jesus sees us! When Jesus saw the blind man, Jesus saw someone in whom God's works were waiting to be made manifest in. For many of us, when we see others struggling, it is easier to assume that sin is the cause. Jesus saw in the blind man someone that would bring glory to God, because he was in need of God. We are all in need of God! We can try to see each other with grace and love, looking for God's hand in each other's lives, instead of looking for sin and blame. When we hear about others challenges, we may be tempted to feel justified because we don't have their particular challenge. I hope we can respond more like Jesus would, waiting for God to show his miracles and His glory in their life and praying for them. The God we worship meets us in our challenges, that is where His miracles come to help us! We all need the Lord to perform his amazing work in our lives. Praise God for being willing to love and help us in our unworthy state!
I mentioned this to Edward, and he commented that after Jesus healed the blind man, the Pharisees were unbelieving. They accused and questioned the blind man about the miracle that had changed his life. Their unbelief didn't allow them to see the miracle and feel joyful that this man's life was forever made better. I hope I don't let others rob me of the joy of being loved and perfectly cared for by the Lord, even in my trials. I hope I don't take the unbelieving Pharisees' approach with friends, diminishing their miracles and the Lord's sustenance to them in their trials.
One time I was praying, asking for one particularly big trial to be taken away, the Lord told me that we are in His care, and that being held in His hands, is a much more stable and secure place to be than anywhere else in the world. I feel so thankful the Lord has taken care of us in every way! Whatever your trial, let Him lead you through it and transform the difficulty into something beautiful. That is what Jesus does, He takes a mess and makes it beautiful.
My friend with the gift of blunt honesty referred to an important point. Is salvation, or exaltation dependent on belonging to an organized church, and covenants made in that church? The scriptures define church differently than our modern definition.
"Behold, this is my doctrine—whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church. Whosoever declareth more or less than this, the same is not of me, but is against me; therefore he is not of my church. And now, behold, whosoever is of my church, and endureth of my church to the end, him will I establish upon my rock, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against them." D&C 10:67-69.
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except by Me." John 14:6 "This is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3 Do we really believe those words? Do we need someone other than Jesus to be saved?
It's between you and the Lord. It's about having a relationship, where you can speak to Him and know Him personally. Learning to speak with the Lord, distinguish his voice and follow Him is the most important thing we can do. Having a relationship with Him doesn't require joining an organization, there is no money required to speak to Him, there is no special clothing you can buy that makes you more worthy, or special building you must gain access to for worship. No middlemen are needed. Just your humble and repentant heart turned to only Jesus. Your heart is where true worship happens.
You can hear His voice. It is not reserved for those that deserve it, the Lord even spoke to Cain after he had killed his brother. In the church, sometimes we think that Jesus doesn't speak to us, that privilege is reserved for prophets. But we believe the Holy Ghost may speak to us. The Holy Ghost IS Jesus' voice, it is the mind and will of the Lord speaking to you. We might think- "No, I haven't heard Him, I only occasionally hear the Holy Spirit." The Lord has been speaking to you all along.
Is organized religion helping you hear the Lord's voice and know Him personally? When you go to church, is Jesus the main focus or a side note? Maybe the answer is different for each of us.
When I was listening to Christmas songs, the song "Joseph's Lullaby" came on. In the song, it is as if Joseph is speaking to baby Jesus, telling him to rest, "I believe the glory of Heaven is lying in my arms tonight. But Lord, I ask that He for just this moment, Simply be my child." The line "Simply be my child" stayed in my mind, like it was on repeat. It felt like the Lord's message to me. With so many things calling our attention, and the increasing chaos in the world, "simply be my child" gave my heart peace. In many ways I'm falling short, but "Simply be His child" is reachable. The Lord wants me to remember that He is my Father and I can rest in his care. He is a good Father that takes care of his children. How He loves us!
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