Fires and Flowers

Three years ago, a huge fire tore through the mountains behind our home. The towns closest to the fires were evacuated as firemen stayed behind to fight the flames. 

After the fires were out and it was safe to come back, people went up the canyons to see the heartbreaking devastation. It was the next summer before we went. Seeing the destruction, we wondered how many decades it would be before the forests we love were healed. Thankfully there are patches that the fires missed. This summer in the same canyons and mountains, wild mallows and wild hollyhocks blossomed in the burnt areas of the forests. These are part of the mallow family. The contrast of burnt, black trees and pink and white mallow blossoms was beautiful. The mallows delicate pink and white flower petals lit up as the sun shone through them. The flower petals looked like fairy wings hovering in the burnt forest.  The flowers felt hopeful. Mother Nature was healing the burn scars with the same herbs we would put on a burn or wound- plants from the mallow family.

What is growing in the mountains is not as coincidental as I once thought. God put his healing and help in the plants for us. One herbalist said that the flowers in the mountains grow specifically for the illnesses that come in the winter. If you see a lot of flowers in the mountains, the flowers might be there to help us overcome the winter illnesses later that year. It is interesting that what we need is provided by God in nature, even before we need it. 

When one of our children was a baby, I was trying to take a video of him. Our 4-year-old jumped up and down with his hand up, yelling, "Take a picture of me! Take a picture of me!" Sometimes when I am walking, a plant will call my attention, seeming to say, "Take a picture of me! Take a picture of me!" I want to tell you about a mallow plant that called my attention like that.  

In late spring, we went to a large cross on a hill overlooking the valley. It was just an activity to get us out of the house, something we all needed. Around the cross, is mostly just dirt and rocks, although there are many plants on the way there. 

Snowy mountain top and hill with a cross

As we were coming back from the cross, the first flower that was on the trail was a reddish-orange flower. This little plant with reddish-orange flowers was calling my attention as plainly as if it were jumping up and down and yelling "Take a picture of me! Take a picture of me!" It had something to tell me, but I didn't know what it was or recognize the plant. 

Scarlet Globemallow

I stooped down and took its picture. When I got home I looked it up on a plant identification app. It was scarlet globemallow. This resilient plant thrives in neglected soil, in dry, harsh conditions. It needs very little water or care to grow, it grows to be less than 1 foot tall. The name scarlet globemallow reminded me of the scripture, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." Isaiah 1:18. The name scarlet globemallow, is very much like the Spanish word for red blood cells. Red blood cells are known as "globulos rojos" in Spanish, meaning red globes.  I couldn't help but think of Jesus' blood that was shed for us, was what the plant was communicating. I grew up speaking Spanish, the Lord was using what is familiar to me- like he does for each of us. This scarlet globemallow flower wanted to be seen and noticed there, it had something to tell me. 

Going through my notes of past herb walks, I came across this information about the mallow family, from Homegrown Herbalist. The mallow family motto is "It's OK, we can get through this." Mallows are added to almost every herbal formula because they have soothing, cooling, and mending properties that make them wonderful healers. The flowers, stems, and leaves are all medicinal and useful, but the strongest medicine is in the mallow roots. It hit me that the message of the scarlet globemallow and mallows in the burnt forests was more than I had first understood. They were testifying of Jesus and forgiveness, and there was a message of hope, "It's OK, we can get through this." I was stunned by the intelligence, love, and testimony of Jesus in the mallow plants God created. Putting the pieces of the scarlet globemallow's message together, "Though your sins are like scarlet, because Jesus gave his blood for us, it will be OK and we can get through this."

Sometimes what's hardest to get through is our own sins and shortcomings. For me the times when I act in anger and impatience, hurting those that matter most to me, are the most discouraging. When Jesus talked about loving others, the real testing and application of love for God is within our homes and families. "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34 ESV. Matthews also records Jesus saying, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." Matthew 25:40. How humbling it is when we get it wrong with the people that matter most to us. Don't worry, my family is OK. I just wish I didn't lose my temper so often.

When Jesus was on the earth, when he healed people, he also forgave them. "Sins" is what we knowingly do wrong, but also refers to our human, mortal condition. The trying to do what's right but getting it terribly wrong at times, the exhaustion, the doubting, all of what afflicts us in this fallen world. All of those mortal weaknesses will be made right because of Jesus. 

In God's creations are messages of hope for us, like the scarlet globemallow and the mallows in the burnt forest, "Though your sins are like scarlet, because Jesus gave his blood for us, it will be OK and we can get through this." 

Jesus' teachings the Passover night before he was arrested (John12-17) are the most beautiful, profound, and comforting teachings. He told his friends that in the world they would have trials and sorrow, but in him, they would have peace. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) Jesus' peace carries you and me through the sorrows and trials of this world. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27. 

On that Passover evening, Jesus talked to his disciples about his coming death, and the suffering they all had ahead of them. He told them it was like when a woman's time has come, and she knows she will experience the pains of labor. She is grieved because of the pain, but when the child is born, she forgets her pain because of joy that a child is born. "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." John 16:21-22. The closest women in Jesus' life, like his mother and Mary, would have understood Jesus' explanation about birthing pains and the joy that follows birth. I think the women that were closest to Jesus were also present at the Last Supper, they were witnesses to his crucifixion and resurrection as well. Perhaps Jesus' remarks about women suffering childbirth were to honor his mother. Mary was misunderstood and rejected, and she suffered great pain in giving Jesus life. Jesus was about to suffer great pain to give us life.

Mary and Baby Jesus by Jean Keaton

I wonder how Jesus' friends, his mother and family felt witnessing the terrible events that led to his death. They were close witnesses of Jesus' betrayal and arrest, the scourging, the crown of thorns, watching him carry his cross, and then watching his agonizing crucifixion. How could his mother and friends witness those terrible scenes without going crazy? This article had a good take on it, I highly recommend reading it. Jesus' mother and friends were witnesses to his death, but more importantly, they witnessed his resurrection and triumph for all of us. Yet in those moments of Jesus' suffering, feeling anger, fear, the impulse to fight back, would have been very normal responses. Peter's drawing of his sword to defend Jesus in the olive grove is very understandable. Jesus had his Father's will to do, and he told Peter to put his sword away. I asked the Lord how his friends and family were able to bear watching him suffer. The answer I received was, they kept their eyes and focus on Jesus and what He was doing. They took their cues from Jesus, in how he was handling all of it, he was teaching them in his suffering. He was in control even in those terrible moments, remaining true to his Father and true to us. Remembering Jesus' sacrifice and his life given for us puts any of our trials into perspective. Keeping our eyes on Jesus is critical for us too. What is Jesus doing, what is Jesus working on today, when the world seems like it's going crazy? What work is He doing now in your life? Do I trust that he is still in control? Do I trust that Jesus has overcome the world, and won the victory for us? Teaching us to trust Him more is a big theme for many of us.

How can we keep our focus and attention more on Jesus, and the work he is doing today? What messages of hope do you see that Jesus has placed around us? In what ways have you felt angels lifting and healing influences, like the mallow flowers healing the burnt forests? 

I like this song "Another in the Fire" (link to the song). The author of this song wrote it after receiving a heartbreaking diagnosis for his child. He uses the word "reckoning" to describe that challenge. To me "reckoning" is a good word to describe a challenge, it means facing myself, my beliefs, and my weaknesses. Jesus does not ever leave us alone in the challenges. The phrase "another in the fire" refers to the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3. They were thrown in the king's furnace for not bowing to and worshipping the king's idol. Jesus saved them from dying in the fiery furnace and stood in the fire with them. The king who had condemned them to death by the fiery furnace saw "another in the fire" with them that looked like the Son of God. 

I hope we can keep our focus on Jesus and what he is doing. Because we believe in Jesus, we trust that incredible joy will follow the birth pains that precede Jesus' return. 

LYRICS:
Verse 1
There's a grace when the heart is under fire 
Another way when the walls are closing in 
And when I look at the space between 
Where I used to be and this reckoning 
I know I will never be alone

CHORUS 1 
There was another in the fire standing next to me 
There was another in the waters holding back the seas 
And should I ever need reminding 
Of how I've been set free 
There is a cross that bears the burden 
Where another died for me 
There is another in the fire    

VERSE 2
All my debt left for dead beneath the waters 
I'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore 
And should I fall in the space between 
What remains of me and this reckoning 
Either way I won't bow to the things of this world 
And I know I will never be alone

CHORUS 2 
There is another in the fire standing next to me 
There is another in the waters holding back the seas 
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free 
There is a grave that holds no body 
And now that power lives in me
There is another in the fire    
Tag
There is another in the fire    

BRIDGE
And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him 
I can hear the roar in the heavens 
As the space between wears thin 
I can feel the ground shake beneath us 
As the prison walls cave in 
Nothing stands between us 
Nothing stands between us 

VERSE 3
There is no other name but the Name that is Jesus 
He who was and still is and will be through it all 
So come what may in the space between 
All the things unseen and this reckoning 
I know I will never be alone 
I know I will never be alone 

CHORUS 3
There'll be another in the fire standing next to me 
There'll be another in the waters holding back the seas 
And should I ever need reminding 
How good You've been to me  
I'll count the joy come every battle 
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
Tag 
I'll count the joy come every battle 
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

Hope and Pruning

When I look at the news, it is very discouraging, but in nature, hope is everywhere. Hope is in the waves of yellow flowers that blanket the hillsides from early spring to late fall. Yellow means hope and joy. Maybe the Lord knows we need many reminders to be hopeful and joyful, so he blankets the hillsides many times each year with yellow flowers.

Early spring flowers- arrowleaf balsam root flowers with snowy mountain in background

Dandelion

Spring flowers teach us to draw strength from our roots, they are nourishing and help us wake up and get things moving (dandelion, arrowleaf balsam root). 

Late spring flowers on hillside

Fall flowers teach us to find healing and rest in letting go, releasing what is stagnant or excessive in us (golden rod, gum weed). 

Gumweed, a wonderful medicinal plant

Sunflowers remind me that God feeds his little birds even in winter. The seeds in the sunflowers stand tall in snowstorms, the seeds are food for birds. Sunflowers tell us that God provides for his creations, we can trust his care in the storms of our lives. 

Late summer sunflowers and mountains

When I look at nature, it reminds me we have a wonderful God that thinks of every detail. We can trust in his care. He deserves our trust and love 100%. There is nothing he does not notice, he is our Creator and Savior.

How does the Lord speak to you? What is it that stirs your heart to think of the greatness of the Lord and his promises? For some, it might be music, gardening, yoga or running. I listened to a young woman speak about finding God in competitive boxing. I suspect that where we find God is as diverse as we are as people. For me it is being outside in nature. I walk outside when I am frustrated, can't make sense of something, or just need some fresh air and to connect with our Creator.  I often need the better perspective that being in nature offers. 

I want to tell you about a nectarine tree that we started from a seed, from a fruit we bought at the grocery store, because in some ways I am like the tree. The original nectarine had a floral sweetness, with white flesh and red skin. Our tree has grown from seedling to a mature tree. Despite being very large, our tree will only produce 4-5 fruits that are quite marked with scars. It seems to be plagued by many pests and diseases. Seeing how often we water it and take care of it, it should be producing more. Much smaller trees will give us many gallons of fruit. We had one good harvest many years ago- it was awesome. We have been working towards another good harvest for years. 

We have tried all the natural remedies. We fertilize it in the fall and spring, and deep water it all summer. Every spring we prune it. My dad helped me to spray it and get some of the pests that bother it under control, but it still grew hardly any fruit last year. This spring, standing next to the tree I asked the Lord if we should cut it down. The Lord told me this tree needs more frequent pruning, not the once-a-year spring pruning of the other fruit trees. It sends all of its energy to branches that shoot straight up and don't produce fruit, those need to be cut down more often. It's probably competing with the neighboring trees to be a shade tree instead of a fruit tree. As I was pruning this tree for probably 10th time this season, I wondered if I was done pruning. I heard the nectarine tree tell me "Yes, you're done! That's enough pruning!" It still had many, many fruitless branches shooting straight up all over. I felt bad to break off so many of the shooter branches. As I broke the shooters off the tree, I told it, "You are a fruit tree, not a shade tree. We want to enjoy your fruit, that is why you are planted here, not for shade. I don't want to lose you because you don't have any fruit." The pruned branches are collected and thrown away or saved for a campfire.  This year the tree has given us more fruit, and we have loved the fruit, although it is still heavily scarred. We will keep working with the tree for a better harvest.  

The Lord told me that I am like this tree, he has to remind me often to put my energy toward the fruit, not the leafy but barren branches. What is the fruit that the Lord wants from me? What is the fruit that the Lord wants most from you? Coming to know the Lord and having a close personal relationship with him is the fruit. Coming to taste and know the sweetness of his love. Sharing his love with my husband and children first and then family and friends is also part of the fruit harvest. 

Sometimes it is hard to be the pruned tree, to see branches broken off. If you ask the Lord to show you where you need to change and where you are wrong, he will! One time I was feeling discouraged about some challenges as I was walking. It was a cloudy day, but on a hillside not too far away, I saw the sunlight fall on some peach trees that were blooming with pink flowers. The Lord told me he loves peach trees because they are willing to be pruned. 

When God's plans are different than our own, it can be sobering and humbling. It reminds us that we are always in his hands, the clay that needs molding. I told the Lord that being pruned and shown my weaknesses hurts. He told me that everything he does is out of love for us. I can trust in his care and be at peace in him. 

It is easy to trust in the Lord when everything is going well in our lives. How is our trust in Him when our comfortable, predictable lives are turned upside down? I think about the Christians in Afghanistan, would I have faith in the Lord if it endangered my life or my family?  Having the kind of relationship with God that you trust him in every situation, and you find peace in his love is the goal. He is our comfort, our fortress, our hiding place. There can be hope and peace even in dark times.

Sunset with yellow flowers, trees and mountains

What are we to hope in? Our hope is in Christ. Our faith and hope is that Christ will take us by the hand and lead us through whatever challenges lie ahead. The scriptures tell us that more turmoil lies ahead before the coming of the Lord, but we can be at peace in him and his individual care for us. 

The followers of Jesus that watched him be arrested, scourged, beaten, nailed to a tree and crucified must have felt like their hope had vanished. In the cruel agony of those moments, they didn't realize they had witnessed the most sublime act of love ever. Our Creator and God gave his life willingly for us, not saving his own life, though he had saved others. In the cruel cross was the triumph of Jesus' love and spirit over flesh, the greatest victory earth has known. In the willing gift of his life and blood was birthed hope and new life for us. The moment of earth's greatest loss and pain became the moment of love's greatest victory, Jesus overcame it all. This was followed by his resurrection, where death for all of us was overcome by Jesus. In Jesus and his victory is our hope. 

Moments that to us may feel hopeless and cruel may actually be birthing something greater than we can see in the moment. Surely our faith in the Lord and his return will not be unchallenged or untried. But God is still here for us, he does not lie. His promises are sure. He will uphold those who love him. 

What scriptures give you hope? What in nature gives you hope? I would love to hear!

Last year I compiled a list of scriptures with pictures for homeschool handwriting practice. What comfort is found in God's words and promises!

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken . . . " Isaiah 54:10

"Mightier than the waves of the sea is his love for you." Psalm 93:4

"Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you." Psalm 37:5

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for what He has done . . . Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worth of praise." Philippians 4: 6-8

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him." Psalm 62:1

"The Lord himself will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will never leave you. He'll never desert you. So don't be afraid. Don't lose hope." Deuteronomy 31:8

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"The battle is not ours, but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15

"Lord you made the heavens and the earth with your great power, there is nothing too hard for you." Jeremiah 32:17

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He doesn't faint or grow weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak and increases the strength of him who has no might." Isaiah 40:28-29

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for them that love him." I Corinthians 2:9

"What does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

"When you pass through the waters I will be with you." Isaiah 43:2

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness." 2 Peter 1:3

"I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8

"Don't let your heart be troubled you believe in God believe also in me." John 14:1

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

"Lord, renew my energy when I feel tired and weak." Psalm 103:5

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalms 42:11

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in all ways." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars: he calls them all by name." Psalm 147:3-4

"Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you." James 4:8

"Look at the birds of the air that they do not sow, neither do they reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they:" Matthew 6:26

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge." Psalm 91:4

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1

"Behold I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:16

"Now may the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope, in the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"Behold God is my salvation. I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2

"I love the Lord, because he listens to my voice, and my cries for mercy. Because he has turned his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live." Psalm 116:1-2

Broken Tree Limbs and God's Healing

Trees are amazing. They provide shade in the heat, wood for our homes, fruit for food. A few times I have felt the Lord using trees to teach me, God put some special lessons in trees.

An evergreen tree's resin has a wonderful smell but is very sticky. Recently on an herb walk, I learned that evergreen resin is also very healing. It was anciently used for healing wounds, and herbalists still collect the resin to make healing salves.

When a tree's limb or branch is broken off,  the wound causes the tree to reach down to its roots to draw on the healing properties deep inside it. Whether the broken limb or insect boring a hole into the tree, the wound brings forth the healing properties from the depths of the tree's roots. That made me think about wounds in trees and in people. 

At times you or I might feel like the tree that loses a limb and mourn for a loss in our life, or an unexpected trial. For many of us, this year has been so hard- we miss the simpler times. Our challenge might feel like we've lost a limb, a vital part of us that we depended on is gone- a relationship, a job, health. It may feel like our trial doesn't make sense, and seem impossible for the trial to be turned into anything good. The difficult things in our lives make us reach deeper to our roots for healing, for Jesus, our Master Healer, the Balm of Gilead. We find Him there- waiting for us, in the hurting and the praying. The trial becomes part of our healing if it brings us to know the Lord better. 

A while back I was diagnosed with diabetes. Thinking diabetes would be lifelong, I felt terrible about it. I asked the Lord why I got diabetes, I had been trying to be healthy. He told me that he wanted more time to walk with me. What?! That was amazing to me.  Why would He want to walk with me?  Doesn't he hear me yelling at my kids, complaining about unimportant things, and know what a mess I can be? He knows I need Him. That is why he walks with me and you, even if we aren't worthy of Him. I began walking more and asking the Lord to walk with me. Spending more time talking to the Lord has brought so much more peace into my life. Jesus helps me straighten out the messes I get myself into regularly. Thankfully my brothers who work in healthcare helped me with diet and exercise tips and I no longer have diabetes. I never knew it was reversible, but it is, thank the Lord! I realized how much I need Jesus to be part of my life, to give me guidance and peace.

After learning about how amazing tree resin is, I noticed more carefully what the trees do when they lose a branch. We walked through an aspen grove with my kids. Aspen trees have white, chalky bark that is smooth like paper. When branches are broken off of the aspen, the aspen tree heals its wound. The shape that is left on the aspen's bark where a limb was broken is an eye. 

The Lord showed me that where there is a  loss, is the opportunity for eyes to see more clearly. To see more of the Lord's hand and design for growth. To reach upwards more than before. Our trials make us see God moving in our lives. In the trials we see that He has been there all the time. 

We are so dependent on Him for everything, but we don't realize it until we are brought to our knees. His love and sustenance is lent to us, it is in every breath, in every heartbeat. His love is what sustains us and keeps us alive from minute to minute. We don't see Him sustaining us because we mistakenly rely on other more tangible things. When the tangible, physical thing we rely on are taken away we can see that our support and everything we have comes from the Lord, He has been sustaining us our whole life. Jesus alone stands unchanging, firm, always there for you and me. We see Him better when we are stumbling to get through a challenge. The trials also give us appreciation and compassion for what many others have gone through. I had not felt so keenly my dependence on God until trials let me see where my help comes from- it is all from God. None of it is of my own making. 

Returning to the aspen tree, once I asked the Lord why it was called a quaking aspen. The aspen leaves shake and quiver with the slightest breeze, always rustling and moving. I asked, "Why does it quake? Is it afraid?" The Lord answered me, "Why don't you ask the tree?" I had never thought of asking a tree and actually receiving an answer, but I asked. "Why are you quaking?" The tree answered, "Joy! Joy for the coming blessings, for the coming of the Lord!" It made me want to be less fearful of what the future holds and more joyful and trusting in the Lord.

Another time on a walk, I was feeling like I was on the outside. Trials can sometimes leave you feeling like you are not part of some circles anymore. What you worry about is suddenly very different from what other people are worried about and talk about. Surely the devil fully exploits this to make us feel divided, alienated, and alone. Everyone has challenges and worries, they are just different ones. Our enemy is not each other, but the devil. This day on a walk, I was wondering if I was on the outside of God's favor, or love, just as I felt on the outside in some circles. I asked the Lord if this was true. He told me to look at an oak tree that I was walking past. He asked me where the acorns were on the branches. 

Looking at the branches, I could see that the oak tree holds the acorns close, in the center of the branches. He told me that is how He feels about me. For Him, we are the center of his thoughts, his work and his creation. We are His seed. We have his full attention and love. We are not on the outside, we are in the very center. Then he had me look at a sunflower and notice where the seeds are. 

The sunflower's seeds are in the center, similar to most flowers and fruits. The Lord's children are always at the center of his love, his attention, and care. The Lord's creations tell us of his love for us. His love surrounds us. His love is deep within our roots, and we are never far from His love.

I listened to a speaker talk (link) about Psalm 23- it is the Psalm that starts with "The Lord is my Shepherd". He talked about the phrase "He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies." 

The Lord doesn't always remove us from our enemies, as much as we pray for the challenges to be removed far from us. Often the Lord walks with us through them, giving us what we need for the moment, reminding us of his love, instead of taking away the trial immediately. In the presence of our enemies, a table is prepared for us by our Lord. Wow, Jesus, our Shepherd, prepares a table for us, in the presence of our enemies. What amount of thanks would be enough? 

Whatever challenges you are facing, or whatever lies ahead for you or me, the Lord is working in the challenges. There is something special in the waiting, the praying, the hurting, and relying on God. Trust and faith in the Lord grows to become knowledge that He is aware of us and providing for us. Others may not understand all you are going through, but He does. Others may not have the answers, but He does. Jesus' delight is to be with us in overcoming the struggles we face.  All glory, honor, and praise be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who overcomes everything. 

My husband, Edward, shared this song with our children recently. I love the message that Jesus is there "in the waiting, in the searching, in the healing and the hurting." Jesus is the "blessing buried in the broken pieces." Having our world turn upside down helps us to see what really matters- Jesus and our relationship with him is what matters most. I also love the part in the song that says "Where I've been and where I'm going, even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it, There was Jesus." Here is a link to the song in case the video doesn't show up. 

There Was Jesus 

Zach Williams and Dolly Parton (Cover), Better Than Kings

Every time I tried to make it on my own

Every time I tried to stand and start to fall

And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on

There was Jesus

When the life I built came crashing to the ground

When the friends I had were nowhere to be found

I couldn't see it then but I can see it now

There was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching

In the healing and the hurting

Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces

Every minute, every moment

Where I've been and where I'm going

Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it

There was Jesus

For this man who needs amazing kind of grace 

For forgiveness at a price I couldn't pay 

I'm not perfect so I thank God every day

There was Jesus, there was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching

In the healing and the hurting

Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces

Every minute, every moment

Where I've been and where I'm going

Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it

There was Jesus

On the mountain, in the valleys (There was Jesus)

In the shadows of the alleys (There was Jesus)

In the fire, in the flood (There was Jesus)

Always is and always was

No I never walk alone (Never walk alone)

You are always there

In the waiting, in the searching

In the healing and the hurting

Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces

Every minute (Every minute), every moment (Every moment)

Where I've been and where I'm going

Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it

There was Jesus

There was Jesus

There was Jesus

Redeemer, Friend

In the turmoil of this year, have you had moments where the Lord has spoken to you, and it is was what you needed to hear? I hope that there have been moments where you have heard his voice to you. He can turn the night into day for each of us. I wanted to share an experience that taught me about Jesus' personality, and his care for us. It may be outside of the box a bit, but it is what I love about Jesus. He is unexpected, showing up when I least am expecting it. He is more loving and kind than I ever have imagined. And He is willing to walk and talk with me and you. We have access to Him, directly and personally we have a connection to Him- independent of any organization or religion or any earthly leader. Jesus is our Shepherd, he wants to be part of our lives. 

Earlier this spring, a course that is usually expensive and requires travel was made available for free, online.  It was directed to doctors and nurses, and was about caring for children with similar conditions to our daughter's. The continuing education would help me as a nurse, and it would help me as a mom too.  Watching the lectures and remembering what those events had been like for us, felt like I was walking through knee-deep mud. I was learning more about the meticulous planning and reasoning that goes into these surgeries, but the emotional part that was resurfacing felt very heavy. I am forever thankful for the doctors that saved my daughter's life but felt sad at seeing the surgeries and procedures' details discussed without any emotional connection. This course was intended for doctors and nurses, when I have heard the same doctors speak to parents they are more gentle. Hearing the surgeries discussed without any personal connection made me think about how fully connected Jesus is to our trials. He understands 100% of what each of us has been through. He weeps with us when we weep, but He also wants us to lift up our heads and rejoice in him. 

The angels announcing Jesus' birth said something that is true for all of us, especially in our trials. "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." The Lord came to give us good tidings of great joy.

As the online conference ended, my phone brought up a photo memory of 6 years ago. It was a picture of our child just before she had one of the tests done that the doctors had just described. She was smiling, dressed in an infant hospital gown, not aware of the difficulties before her. When I saw that picture come up on my phone, at the same time I was taking this online course, I felt the Lord was telling me that he remembered that day. He is connected to it like I am. Parts of that hard day left deep marks in my heart. There are many who have faced challenges much greater than ours. They also have very difficult days engraved in their memories that most of us don't know about. 

Our child had to stay awake for this test, while exploratory scopes and x-rays with contrast were done. She was 1 year old.  Edward held her head, I held her arms. She lay on a metal table without blankets or padding, an x-ray table. The surgeon, a radiologist and a couple radiology technicians performed the contrast studies and scopes. Surprising all of us, she didn't cry. She held still, blinked a lot, and chomped on her binky. A few times she whimpered, almost crying, and we gave her "sweeties", sugar water drops. It was so hard to see her held down and put through this messy test with no medicine. The contrast solution was sticky, and it was everywhere on her and us. The results of the test showed the surgery would be complicated. 

A couple weeks later, I was still feeling raw from the resurfacing of that memory, and other stresses. I prayed and told the Lord that I know he always remembers us and helps us, and I asked the Lord where he was that day. In my mind's eye, the answer came. I saw us in that room having the tests done. The Lord was close to our daughter, squatting so that his eyes were at the same level as hers as she lay on the x-ray table. He was looking right at her, covering his eyes with his hands, then opening them, in a peek-a-boo game. He was smiling at her, and keeping her eyes focused on his eyes as she had this difficult test done.  That's why she was calm during the scope.  He remembered because he was there with us. There is an unequaled sweetness of knowing Jesus cares enough to be with us. Who else would have remembered the anniversary of that difficult day, and reminded me that they were with us, and that it was important to them too? The Lord is 100% connected to us, our trials, and our happy moments. 

When little babies are mentally developing, their minds don't have the concept of object permanence.  If you cover a toy with a blanket, to a little child it is gone, not there. If you cover your face for a moment, they are surprised to see that you are still there after you uncover your face. That is why peek-a-boo with a baby is so fun, it is unexpected to them. As they get older, they understand "object permanence", they know that if they can't see something, they can look for it and find it. We are like a little child with the Lord in that way. If for a moment we can't see his face or see his blessings to us, we begin to wonder if we've lost him or if he is still there. Knowing the Lord is still there when his face feels hidden is difficult, but is a step toward maturing faith. Finding Him when we thought he was hidden from us fills our heart, we begin to understand that the Lord's connection to us is so deep, He will never leave us alone. There is peace in knowing He will always be with us.

Are there areas in your heart where grief and sadness have been swept to the corners or hidden under the rug? This year may have made some of those tender areas resurface. Invite the Lord into those hidden corners of your heart. Ask the Lord how he saw that moment, and where He was. Invite his glory, his love, his redemption, his victory over death and sin to come into the broken parts. The Lord redeems us as a whole. He also rescues and redeems the moments that feel broken. Jesus and his love are the balm, the healing that we so much need. What a loving friend our Redeemer is!

 

Wonderful Counselor

Desert evening primrose on rocky trail

 I wanted to share a few experiences that have taught me about Jesus' love for you and me. Some of them have to do with parenting, and special needs, that is where I have learned more about the Lord. A couple years ago I was walking. It had been a very hard day for our child with special medical needs the day before. I had just heard about another little girl with similar conditions that had been unfairly treated medically, leaving her with lifelong ramifications.  My heart ached for these little ones, for what they have faced and for what may still lie ahead for them. I felt angry at the injustices of people who don't understand, adding to the load already carried by these children. I asked the Lord to walk with me and to help me feel peace again. I apologized to the Lord for my anger and frustration, "Sorry I don't have anything nice to say to you." The Lord answered "It's OK, I can take it, I can take your anger. Tell me." I saw myself banging my fists on the Lord's chest, crying, angry, frustrated at the injustices of our fallen world. He didn't turn me away, or reproach my feelings, he just listened. I felt that these little children are in his hands, and that they had been doing a great work, bringing people to Him. He reminded me of the blind man in John in whom was manifested the power and works of God (John 9). My anger evaporated. In it's place was peace, not my own, but peace given to me from the Lord. When I turn to Jesus, the Savior takes my ugly, angry feelings, and in return gives me understanding and peace, helping me through the trials. What an amazing friend we have in Jesus. What love he has for each of us!

It is amazing to me that the Lord has all of his beautiful creations- forests, waterfalls, oceans, all of what He has made is His to be in. Yet it is our brokenness, our lowly and messy lives that he chooses to work. He nurtures the seed of faith and trust in Him, encouraging it to grow. So often I feel like my life is muddy and my feelings are not reverent or holy yet Jesus does not turn away from us. 

One barrier to seeking the Lord is when we feel we will never be able to do everything just right, never be worthy of the Lord answering our prayers. Whether God speaks to us is not at all a reflection of our worthiness, but rather a reflection of God's amazing continuing condescension and desire to work with us.  In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve saw their own nakedness, or their brokenness, their sin and vulnerability before God, Satan told them to hide, to be ashamed of being seen by God. He told them to cover themselves with fig leaves. God came to the garden, knowing they had disobeyed, but still looking for them and wanting to talk with them. When we see ourselves in our vulnerable, broken, sinful state, the devil tells us to hide, to hide away from God. Sometimes I reach the end of my patience and I reach for something to fill the emptiness. We all have at least a few coping mechanisms, some unhealthy, others healthy. When I am at that point, often I feel ashamed of being so tired, so empty of patience and love, and am afraid of saying or doing something that would bring further regret. The adversary tells us we are not worthy to talk to God when we feel this way and that we should be ashamed. The moments when we feel most broken are exactly when God wants most for us to talk to Him. God is looking for me, for each of us. When we see our sins and feel naked before God, at the end of our rope, that is when God is most looking for us and calling our name. Jesus suffering and great sacrifice for us is His cloak of love thrown over us, the covering of our nakedness before God. His sacrifice for us is what gives us grace. What amazing love He gives us! How wonderful our Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior are!  How could I turn to false sources of comfort when the Lord is so understanding and so full of love for me? I have started trying to pray at those times instead of hiding away from God. He tells me things like "You did a hard thing today. I saw how hard you tried. Tomorrow you can try again. I love you."   Where I turn for comfort when I feel broken tells a lot about where my heart is. Do we really love God as much as we say we do? 

Living Water

I have been thinking about the Lord being our living water. "Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

Water takes many forms in nature- clouds, rain, morning dew, snow, springs, rivers, oceans, glaciers. From the deepest valleys of the ocean floor, to the unlimited sky, water is there. 

Water's many forms are praising
The Lord's glory, water's sharing.

In white billowed clouds gathering,
Sun's majestic fire reflecting.

Under your wings you're gathering,
Father's light in you reflecting.

In generous rain descending,
Springs from mountains always flowing.

Father's, Mother's love descending,
Given freely, always flowing.

Rivers to the oceans pouring,
Oceans tides, waves, cleansing, washing.

Lamb of God's blood, life, love pouring,
Renewing hope, cleansing, washing.

Thundering waterfalls roaring,

Crashing droplets, rainbows holding.

Lion of Judah roaring,

All power, virtue, love holding.

Silent snowflakes gently falling,

White snow, blanketing, covering.

Heaven's light, grace gently falling,
Pure love, blanketing, covering.

Morning dew drops, jewels shining.
Glaciers, rivers, moving, shaping.

Your love for us sparkling, shining,
Deeper faith, trust, love, you're shaping.

Water's peaceful mirrors calming,
Sometimes rippling, tumbling, storming,

Let your peace still me, calm me

Through life's waves, tumbling, storming.

Deep oceans, blue sky revealing,

True love's depths, widths, heights, for you, me.

Water is God's love, truth, revealing.

Lord, please forever abide with me.

A Gift for You

Last year I shared a blog post about a Take Courage Quilt, a collage of scriptures and a mountain landscape I made. This quilt has reminded me of God's promises and God's love many times. I wanted to share the quilt design with any friends or family who would like a copy (link at the bottom of this post). My son, Samuel, helped me make the scripture print easier to read, and also made a Spanish version of the quilt. I am so thankful for his help in editing it. It is not to be sold, only to be printed for private use and enjoyment.  

There are different options for printing. 

You can download it and print it at any photo center as a picture- Sam sized it 20x30 for printing since that is a common print size. This costs about $10-15, depending on where you print it. If you print it smaller than this, it is hard to read the scriptures. 

Most photo centers also print a 50x60" fleece blanket for about $40.  Sam helped me size the picture for printing this size as well. There are Spanish and English versions of this too. 

Printing on fabric. I used Spoonflower, a company that prints any customer's design on a selection of fabrics-  cotton, silk, satin, velvet, fleece, denim, and other fabrics. It costs slightly more than the photo centers, but it's fun to pick your fabric and choose how to finish it. It will need to be finished with a backing and/or an edge if you go through Spoonflower. I have uploaded the quilt design in English and Spanish and the Original unedited quilt (links highlighted) to Spoonflower. One tricky thing is that Spoonflower only sells in 1-yard increments, they won't sell 1 1/2 yards. This quilt is longer than 1 yard, so you will have to buy 2 yards to get the full quilt. 

This is the download link for quilt. 

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Vz5Q23RsFVmzBshRytRrw9lv3zHlXg7R?usp=sharing

My prayer is that we remember all the wonderful things the Lord has done for us in creating our earth, in giving us his Son, for us, in making many miracles and blessings for each of us. I hope we see the Lord's love in what he has created for us.

Below is the Spanish version of the quilt.

Praise God!

The scripture "The joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10, has taken on more meaning lately. The challenges of this year have humbled us. Expressing joy and gratitude to the Lord for how wonderful he is, and spending time praising the Lord for all that we love about him is a protective shield against the disappointment, frustration, and other challenges we face. Praising God keeps the devil far away. Joy in the Lord truly is a strength and helps us to maintain perspective in challenges. Praising our Creator, our Savior who suffered all for us, who will soon return, and who has a plan for us, is strengthening. 

I heard a Christian minister, Sadhu Sundar, talk about worship. He said that to draw closer to God, we need to worship better, most of us haven't been taught how to worship. Angels sing and worship God, they are always praising, glorifying, and worshipping God. If we are to have the company of angels that is prophesied in the last days, and their help in fighting our battles; we need to learn to worship and praise God like his angels do. When we spend time in prayer, or in our holy time with the Lord, it helps to make praise a regular part of that time with the Lord. Sometimes I come to the Lord with my troubles, and by the time I am done thanking the Lord and praising him for his goodness, worry has been replaced by confidence that He will provide what is needed, as he has in the past. 

What it is that you love about the Lord? Tell Him! Say it out loud. Thank Him for being all-knowing, that he created all the earth, that he has provided for us. Tell him what you love about his creations, and how they remind you of Him. Tell the Lord why you are thankful for Him.  

In sharing some of the things that have helped me, I don't mean to imply that there is only one right way to worship God or find peace in Him. Each of us have unique ways that the Lord speaks to us, he knows us individually. These are some things that have helped me to feel the Lord closer. I don't say this from an armchair of comfort, with no challenges to speak of. Like many others, this year has brought challenges!

Songs of Praise

When we are in our personal prayer time with God, singing to the Lord can really help us feel His Spirit closer. The Psalms in the Bible were written to be sung to worship God. Reading or singing the Psalms can help us enter in the spirit of praise and worship. Sometimes it is meaningful to take a hymn that we know and love, and to make it our own.  For example, the song, "I Stand All Amazed" is a beautiful song that helps us feel the wonder and truthfulness of Jesus' sacrifice. You can sing this as if Jesus was standing next to you and we were singing to Him. Replace the pronouns "He" with "you". For example, "I stand all amazed at the love that you offer me. Confused at the grace that so fully you proffer me. I tremble to know that for me you were crucified. That for me a sinner, you suffered, you bled and died. . . . Oh it is wonderful that you would care for me enough to die for me." The songs that are sung directly to the Lord from us feel the most worshipful. These songs are as if we were speaking to the Lord. Other Christian songs that are directed to other people, in telling them about the Lord, are good, but the most special songs are directed to the Lord, from our hearts. 

Using the Scriptures as guides for prayer

Isaiah 53 is a very special chapter to read as a personal prayer to God. It is such a beautiful chapter describing Jesus and what he has done for us. Take the phrases to help you thank the Lord for what he has done for you personally.

"For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of dry ground; he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all."

It is a good experience to make this chapter a personal prayer of gratitude and praise. Thank Jesus for the load he carried for you, for taking our chastisement, for carrying our griefs.  Ask forgiveness for the times we have hid our faces from Him, or have turned to our own ways. Another good chapter to read as a prayer is Psalms 23. 

Thanking God for Nature

God created the beauty of nature to remind us of his Son, and his loving sacrifice. Thanking him for the gifts in nature opens our eyes to see more of Jesus and our Heavenly Parents in nature. What do you see in nature that reminds you of their love? Is it evergreen trees? The sunlight shining? Is it rivers flowing?

When I see stalks of wheat or seeds in the fall, they remind me of Jesus. The night of the last supper, Jesus told his disciples, "Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." John 12:24. He was talking about his sacrifice. He was the seed that died to bring forth more fruit.

Autumn's golden stems and seeds 

Tell of Jesus' pure love gift.

Heaven's purest gold came down

To die, that we might live.

See how Jesus feeds birds, deer,

With tall golden stalks of fall.

Every needful thing for growth

He lovingly gives us all.

Winter storms help souls to grow,

Help us seek God much deeper.

Hail, ice, wind, and snow make us

Hunger to find Him nearer.

The snow and roses in our garden reminded me of Isaiah's words about Jesus, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord; though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18.  

Roses' thorns, velvet petals

Tell of our King's crown of thorns,

Fragrant covenant unfurls

Jesus body for us torn. 

Precious gems of Father's love,

Snow, like diamonds, sparkles white.

Infinite His sacrifice,

His blood can make us clean, bright.

All of nature points to God's

Redeeming love, wisdom, light.

Let me be like God's creations,

That give Him glory day and night.

The 2020 Mirror

During the first year and a half of our baby daughter's life, she needed expensive medical supplies. It was humbling to rely so much on a box in the mail every month for the things she needed most. There were many hiccups in getting supplies- insurance wasn't timely in paying for the supplies, which led to home health companies that would no longer accept our insurance, and then there were shortages of supplies.  A couple times, trying to get the supplies left me in tears because of how frustrating it was. Her medical supplies were a lifeline for her. Once a kind person at a medical supply company, someone I'd never met, expedited our supplies during a shortage, we were about to run out. I cried because of relief and gratitude when I opened that box. The Lord was so good to us, we never went without what she needed. One of the things that came as part of her supplies in a wound care kit was a travel size mirror. She was too little to hold it or use it, the wound kit was created for adults. I hadn't realized how valuable a mirror is until then. Someone with a wound doesn't see clearly all the edges of their wound, a mirror helps to see the wound better. A mirror helps to know what needs to be cleaned, dressed, or given more attention. 

2020 has felt like a mirror. We all have wounds that need the Lord's healing, and we may have not been fully aware of how deep some wounds are. I have seen some of those spots needing healing, the wounds, in myself more this year. Looking in the mirror, we have also seen more clearly where our priorities need to be and who matters most in our lives. 

The fragility of some relationships have been revealed this year, while other relationships have been strengthened. What have you learned about yourself this year? Have there been some eye-opening moments, and moments of clarity of what is needed? The Lord is giving us a chance to put our lives in order, to repent, and come to Him. 

We have had plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness this year. With the division felt more in the world, how are we reacting? Am I forgiving and merciful as the Savior is with me?  Forgiveness doesn't come easy for me, it has often felt like a really hard thing to do. Enos describes his prayer for forgiveness and coming to the Lord as a wrestle. It is a wrestle to fight my ego and desire to be right, to really see my sins, to humble myself, and seek forgiveness. We have to completely let go of pride, resentment, anger, guilt, fear, and shame. Those things block our hearts from receiving the deep love and peace Jesus wants to give us. Receiving the Lord's cleansing love, peace, and forgiveness is worth any and every effort. 

Enos says "I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins. Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart. And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens. And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away. And I said: Lord, how is it done? And he said unto me; Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou has never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole. Now it came to pass that when I had heard these words I began to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites; wherefore, I did pour out my whole soul unto God for them. And while I was thus struggling in the spirit, behold, the voice of the Lord came into my mind again, saying: I will visit thy brethren according to their diligence in keeping my commandments."" Enos 1:2-7

Working on forgiveness, for myself and to forgive others, I am more amazed at Jesus' willing sacrifice for us. How differently he operates than we do, he forgave and loved everyone, even those who crucified him. Jesus' love and forgiveness while suffering immensely are telling of his deep, deep love for us. His sacrifice is also evidence of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother's deep, deep love for us. 

A song I love is "Oh, the Deep Deep Love of Jesus" sung by Audrey Assad.

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me

Is the current of your love

Leading onward, leading homeward

To your glorious rest above

Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus

'Tis heaven of heavens to me

And it lifts me up to glory

For it lifts me up to thee

Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus

Spread his praise from shore to shore

How he loves us, ever loves us,

Changes never, nevermore

Jesus taught about forgiveness towards the end of the Sermon on the Mount. Luke and Matthew recorded very similar accounts. Actually doing what Jesus taught is rare and difficult to do. Jesus lived what he taught, and his words describe what he did for us, and what he expects of us. Luke 6 says "But I say unto you who hear my words, Love your enemies, do good to them who hate you. Bless them who curse you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you. And unto him who smiteth thee on the cheek, offer also the other; or in other words, it is better to offer the other, than to revile again. And him who taketh away thy cloak, forbid not to take thy coat also. For it is better that thou suffer thine enemy to take these things, than to contend with him. Verily I say unto you, Your Heavenly Father who seeth in secret, shall bring that wicked one to judgment. Therefore give to every man who asketh of thee; and of him who taketh away thy goods, ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them only who love you, what reward have you? For sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what reward have you? For sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great; and ye shall be the children of the Highest; for he is kind unto the unthankful and the evil. Be ye therefore merciful as your Father also is merciful." 

Jesus continues, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? Shall they not both fall into the ditch? A disciple is not above his master; but every one that is perfect shall be as his master. And why beholdest thou the mote which is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Again, how canst thou say to thy brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam which is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote which is in thy brother's eye." Luke 6: 27-42, JST included.

Jesus' words and teachings are worth thinking and pondering many times. It can take time for the meanings to really sink in. Whenever I start to complain about some crazy thing someone has said or done, Edward tells me, "Remember the beam and the mote, Les." Edward has said that many times over the years. 

I've wondered why the Savior uses this example of a beam and mote. A mote is a tiny speck. I've known people that have made pretty serious mistakes, and they seem like big beams to me. Why does Jesus say that the beam is in my eye and the mote in the other person's eye? After some thought and prayer, it dawned that I am to be concerned with my own salvation. My own sins are the big beams that will keep me out of heaven- the pride, the judgment, the not forgiving others. Those sins will keep me out of heaven, not other's sins. What other people do, the mote, has little final impact on the condition of my heart. The condition of my heart, how I see others, whether it is humble, repentant, forgiving, and loving is up to me.  Are my thoughts clean, pure, loving, and compassionate? Or are my thoughts of others judgmental and prideful? Do I think of others and treat them with Christ-like love? The sins of pride, contempt, anger, criticism, are the big beams that will be roadblocks barring me from heaven. What other people do- that is a mote, a tiny speck, in my life, very small. It was never between them and me, it has always been between God and me. The big beams are my own faults and sins that keep me away from God. Jesus was nailed to a wooden beam, our beam. My beam, my problems, he was nailed to them and carried them. He suffered for my sins, that I might not suffer if I would repent and accept his sacrifice for me. What greater love have we ever seen? I love Jesus with all my heart, but I probably don't let the truth of his ultimate sacrifice permeate and sink into my heart as deeply as I need to.

In my garden, I add a couple bags of compost in the spring. The bagged compost is so dry, that with the first watering, the water mostly runs off. It takes several times of watering it and disrupting the soil before it begins to absorb the water it needs. Sometimes we are like that dry dirt, we don't absorb deeply enough the very thing we are most in need of- Jesus' love, forgiveness, and peace. It takes many, many times of feeling Jesus' love and forgiveness before it begins to soften our hearts. 

Coming back to the beam and the mote, it is interesting that Jesus describes the beam as being in our eye. He could have said you have a rock in your shoe, or you have a splinter in your hand, or your nose is kind of broken, but he says it's a beam in my eye. It's how little I see, my limited vision, that concerns the Lord. How little I see and feel of the love with which Heaven sees all of us. He is telling me that my vision is very obstructed by my own sins. Until I repent and experience personally the amazing love, mercy, and cleansing forgiveness from the Lord, I won't be in the right frame of mind to see, to love and forgive others. Jesus' way of telling us the truth at a deep level, and telling us to repent with so much love is amazing. 

In this parable, of the beam and the mote, Jesus tells me that I am blind, but I think I can see well. If my life is like walking on a mountain trail, Jesus is trying to keep me from falling over the rocks and obstacles in my path. He is telling me, "You have to let me guide you on this trail, you can hardly see clearly with the sins you carry. Take my hand, let me carry your burdens, and let me lead you."

This summer, we went on a backpacking trip with my family. It was my first time backpacking, and my first time leaving our youngest children for several days. Edward stayed home so that I could go. He took care of the medical care for our daughter and took care of our youngest children. After a long day of hiking, carrying heavy backpacks, we went to the river by our campsite to get some water to filter for drinking and ended up going for a swim in the cold mountain river. The water was so refreshing, it washed off more than many layers of dirt and mosquito spray, it also washed away years of stress and worry. In the cold river water, I felt that things were going to be OK, I felt an optimism that things would work out. It was as if the optimism of youth that I had lost was returned to me in the river swim. I am thankful the Lord gives us moments like this, to feel wonder, peace, and reassurance. I needed that swim in the cold river water, it was a gift to me from God. Have there been moments of clarity like that for you, when God gave you perspective for a moment?

Forgiveness is like that refreshing water, I regularly need to come to the water, to get a drink, and clean up. Asking Jesus to forgive me, and forgiving myself is like drawing refreshing, cleansing water out of the river. Forgiving others for mistakes is giving others the mercy and forgiveness I am in need of myself. They are as thirsty and in need of forgiving, cleansing water as I am. 

When a river flows and moves, it gives life to everything around it because it is moving. Forgiveness and love need to cleanse me, pass through me, and be given freely to all the people in my life as well. We are to become like an empty vessel, by itself it isn't anything, but carrying God's love, mercy, and forgiveness to others, it becomes meaningful. Water is meant to flow, to move, to be spread, shared, to give life wherever it goes, like Jesus' love for us gives us new life and hope. We are meant to receive Jesus' love and forgiveness and to extend that love and forgiveness to others.  If the water in a lake stops moving, if there is no outlet, it becomes dead. The salt and minerals accumulate too much and nothing will grow. 

As we were swimming in the river, my brother jokingly said, "I hope the people downstream from us have a good water filter! I hope we have a good water filter for the people swimming upstream from us!" It is true, having a good filter is critical. Asking the Lord to help us with the discernment is so important.

Both Matthew and Luke record Jesus talking about discernment, following Jesus teachings on forgiveness.  He warns of men who appear to be sheep, but are inwardly ravening wolves. In a culture where outward appearance is valued so highly, we are especially susceptible to being deceived by well-dressed, smooth-talking con artists. "Ye shall know them by their fruits; for do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit; neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit, is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." Matthew 7:25-29.  Jesus is asking us to be discerning and cautious. Matthew also records Jesus' warning "And the mysteries of the kingdom ye shall keep within yourselves; It is not meet to give that which is holy unto the dogs; neither cast ye your pearls unto swine" Matthew 7:10.  Jesus asks us to forgive but also asks us to treasure and protect the things most precious to us- our pearls, the things that are holy and sacred to us. My pearls are my relationship with God and the relationships in my family. Protecting what is holy or sacred in our lives can mean putting up boundaries to protect our family and home. For me it means preserving my energy for my children and family.  One of the blessings that has come with a child with special needs, is that I value more the little moments, they feel more miraculous to me. When I was pregnant, I was told our daughter with special needs wouldn't make it. It has made me appreciate more the time with my children and husband. Little things like going on a walk, or reading a book together, or doing a craft together- feel like big blessings. One of my goals is to focus my time and energy on my family, and on my relationship with God this year, to be more present. I like this song by Amy Grant, "Better than a Hallelujah." Its message is that there is holiness in the simple moments.

My prayer is that this year brings us closer to God. I pray we will see where we need to let his healing and love into our hearts, and ask him to heal what is hurt in us. I pray 2020 brings us a clearer vision of what we can do to mend the relationships most sacred to us- our relationship with our Lord, and the relationships in our families. I pray we can feel Jesus' love over us, underneath us, and all around us.