Trees are amazing. They provide shade in the heat, wood for our homes, fruit for food. A few times I have felt the Lord using trees to teach me, God put some special lessons in trees.
An evergreen tree's resin has a wonderful smell but is very sticky. Recently on an herb walk, I learned that evergreen resin is also very healing. It was anciently used for healing wounds, and herbalists still collect the resin to make healing salves.
When a tree's limb or branch is broken off, the wound causes the tree to reach down to its roots to draw on the healing properties deep inside it. Whether the broken limb or insect boring a hole into the tree, the wound brings forth the healing properties from the depths of the tree's roots. That made me think about wounds in trees and in people.
At times you or I might feel like the tree that loses a limb and mourn for a loss in our life, or an unexpected trial. For many of us, this year has been so hard- we miss the simpler times. Our challenge might feel like we've lost a limb, a vital part of us that we depended on is gone- a relationship, a job, health. It may feel like our trial doesn't make sense, and seem impossible for the trial to be turned into anything good. The difficult things in our lives make us reach deeper to our roots for healing, for Jesus, our Master Healer, the Balm of Gilead. We find Him there- waiting for us, in the hurting and the praying. The trial becomes part of our healing if it brings us to know the Lord better.
A while back I was diagnosed with diabetes. Thinking diabetes would be lifelong, I felt terrible about it. I asked the Lord why I got diabetes, I had been trying to be healthy. He told me that he wanted more time to walk with me. What?! That was amazing to me. Why would He want to walk with me? Doesn't he hear me yelling at my kids, complaining about unimportant things, and know what a mess I can be? He knows I need Him. That is why he walks with me and you, even if we aren't worthy of Him. I began walking more and asking the Lord to walk with me. Spending more time talking to the Lord has brought so much more peace into my life. Jesus helps me straighten out the messes I get myself into regularly. Thankfully my brothers who work in healthcare helped me with diet and exercise tips and I no longer have diabetes. I never knew it was reversible, but it is, thank the Lord! I realized how much I need Jesus to be part of my life, to give me guidance and peace.
After learning about how amazing tree resin is, I noticed more carefully what the trees do when they lose a branch. We walked through an aspen grove with my kids. Aspen trees have white, chalky bark that is smooth like paper. When branches are broken off of the aspen, the aspen tree heals its wound. The shape that is left on the aspen's bark where a limb was broken is an eye.
The Lord showed me that where there is a loss, is the opportunity for eyes to see more clearly. To see more of the Lord's hand and design for growth. To reach upwards more than before. Our trials make us see God moving in our lives. In the trials we see that He has been there all the time.
We are so dependent on Him for everything, but we don't realize it until we are brought to our knees. His love and sustenance is lent to us, it is in every breath, in every heartbeat. His love is what sustains us and keeps us alive from minute to minute. We don't see Him sustaining us because we mistakenly rely on other more tangible things. When the tangible, physical thing we rely on are taken away we can see that our support and everything we have comes from the Lord, He has been sustaining us our whole life. Jesus alone stands unchanging, firm, always there for you and me. We see Him better when we are stumbling to get through a challenge. The trials also give us appreciation and compassion for what many others have gone through. I had not felt so keenly my dependence on God until trials let me see where my help comes from- it is all from God. None of it is of my own making.
Returning to the aspen tree, once I asked the Lord why it was called a quaking aspen. The aspen leaves shake and quiver with the slightest breeze, always rustling and moving. I asked, "Why does it quake? Is it afraid?" The Lord answered me, "Why don't you ask the tree?" I had never thought of asking a tree and actually receiving an answer, but I asked. "Why are you quaking?" The tree answered, "Joy! Joy for the coming blessings, for the coming of the Lord!" It made me want to be less fearful of what the future holds and more joyful and trusting in the Lord.
Another time on a walk, I was feeling like I was on the outside. Trials can sometimes leave you feeling like you are not part of some circles anymore. What you worry about is suddenly very different from what other people are worried about and talk about. Surely the devil fully exploits this to make us feel divided, alienated, and alone. Everyone has challenges and worries, they are just different ones. Our enemy is not each other, but the devil. This day on a walk, I was wondering if I was on the outside of God's favor, or love, just as I felt on the outside in some circles. I asked the Lord if this was true. He told me to look at an oak tree that I was walking past. He asked me where the acorns were on the branches.
Looking at the branches, I could see that the oak tree holds the acorns close, in the center of the branches. He told me that is how He feels about me. For Him, we are the center of his thoughts, his work and his creation. We are His seed. We have his full attention and love. We are not on the outside, we are in the very center. Then he had me look at a sunflower and notice where the seeds are.
The sunflower's seeds are in the center, similar to most flowers and fruits. The Lord's children are always at the center of his love, his attention, and care. The Lord's creations tell us of his love for us. His love surrounds us. His love is deep within our roots, and we are never far from His love.
I listened to a speaker talk (link) about Psalm 23- it is the Psalm that starts with "The Lord is my Shepherd". He talked about the phrase "He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies."
The Lord doesn't always remove us from our enemies, as much as we pray for the challenges to be removed far from us. Often the Lord walks with us through them, giving us what we need for the moment, reminding us of his love, instead of taking away the trial immediately. In the presence of our enemies, a table is prepared for us by our Lord. Wow, Jesus, our Shepherd, prepares a table for us, in the presence of our enemies. What amount of thanks would be enough?
Whatever challenges you are facing, or whatever lies ahead for you or me, the Lord is working in the challenges. There is something special in the waiting, the praying, the hurting, and relying on God. Trust and faith in the Lord grows to become knowledge that He is aware of us and providing for us. Others may not understand all you are going through, but He does. Others may not have the answers, but He does. Jesus' delight is to be with us in overcoming the struggles we face. All glory, honor, and praise be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who overcomes everything.
My husband, Edward, shared this song with our children recently. I love the message that Jesus is there "in the waiting, in the searching, in the healing and the hurting." Jesus is the "blessing buried in the broken pieces." Having our world turn upside down helps us to see what really matters- Jesus and our relationship with him is what matters most. I also love the part in the song that says "Where I've been and where I'm going, even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it, There was Jesus." Here is a link to the song in case the video doesn't show up.
There Was Jesus
Zach Williams and Dolly Parton (Cover), Better Than Kings
Every time I tried to make it on my own
Every time I tried to stand and start to fall
And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on
There was Jesus
When the life I built came crashing to the ground
When the friends I had were nowhere to be found
I couldn't see it then but I can see it now
There was Jesus
In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing and the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I've been and where I'm going
Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it
There was Jesus
For this man who needs amazing kind of grace
For forgiveness at a price I couldn't pay
I'm not perfect so I thank God every day
There was Jesus, there was Jesus
In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing and the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I've been and where I'm going
Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it
There was Jesus
On the mountain, in the valleys (There was Jesus)
In the shadows of the alleys (There was Jesus)
In the fire, in the flood (There was Jesus)
Always is and always was
No I never walk alone (Never walk alone)
You are always there
In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing and the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute (Every minute), every moment (Every moment)
In the turmoil of this year, have you had moments where the Lord has spoken to you, and it is was what you needed to hear? I hope that there have been moments where you have heard his voice to you. He can turn the night into day for each of us. I wanted to share an experience that taught me about Jesus' personality, and his care for us. It may be outside of the box a bit, but it is what I love about Jesus. He is unexpected, showing up when I least am expecting it. He is more loving and kind than I ever have imagined. And He is willing to walk and talk with me and you. We have access to Him, directly and personally we have a connection to Him- independent of any organization or religion or any earthly leader. Jesus is our Shepherd, he wants to be part of our lives.
Earlier this spring, a course that is usually expensive and requires travel was made available for free, online. It was directed to doctors and nurses, and was about caring for children with similar conditions to our daughter's. The continuing education would help me as a nurse, and it would help me as a mom too. Watching the lectures and remembering what those events had been like for us, felt like I was walking through knee-deep mud. I was learning more about the meticulous planning and reasoning that goes into these surgeries, but the emotional part that was resurfacing felt very heavy. I am forever thankful for the doctors that saved my daughter's life but felt sad at seeing the surgeries and procedures' details discussed without any emotional connection. This course was intended for doctors and nurses, when I have heard the same doctors speak to parents they are more gentle. Hearing the surgeries discussed without any personal connection made me think about how fully connected Jesus is to our trials. He understands 100% of what each of us has been through. He weeps with us when we weep, but He also wants us to lift up our heads and rejoice in him.
The angels announcing Jesus' birth said something that is true for all of us, especially in our trials. "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." The Lord came to give us good tidings of great joy.
As the online conference ended, my phone brought up a photo memory of 6 years ago. It was a picture of our child just before she had one of the tests done that the doctors had just described. She was smiling, dressed in an infant hospital gown, not aware of the difficulties before her. When I saw that picture come up on my phone, at the same time I was taking this online course, I felt the Lord was telling me that he remembered that day. He is connected to it like I am. Parts of that hard day left deep marks in my heart. There are many who have faced challenges much greater than ours. They also have very difficult days engraved in their memories that most of us don't know about.
Our child had to stay awake for this test, while exploratory scopes and x-rays with contrast were done. She was 1 year old. Edward held her head, I held her arms. She lay on a metal table without blankets or padding, an x-ray table. The surgeon, a radiologist and a couple radiology technicians performed the contrast studies and scopes. Surprising all of us, she didn't cry. She held still, blinked a lot, and chomped on her binky. A few times she whimpered, almost crying, and we gave her "sweeties", sugar water drops. It was so hard to see her held down and put through this messy test with no medicine. The contrast solution was sticky, and it was everywhere on her and us. The results of the test showed the surgery would be complicated.
A couple weeks later, I was still feeling raw from the resurfacing of that memory, and other stresses. I prayed and told the Lord that I know he always remembers us and helps us, and I asked the Lord where he was that day. In my mind's eye, the answer came. I saw us in that room having the tests done. The Lord was close to our daughter, squatting so that his eyes were at the same level as hers as she lay on the x-ray table. He was looking right at her, covering his eyes with his hands, then opening them, in a peek-a-boo game. He was smiling at her, and keeping her eyes focused on his eyes as she had this difficult test done. That's why she was calm during the scope. He remembered because he was there with us. There is an unequaled sweetness of knowing Jesus cares enough to be with us. Who else would have remembered the anniversary of that difficult day, and reminded me that they were with us, and that it was important to them too? The Lord is 100% connected to us, our trials, and our happy moments.
When little babies are mentally developing, their minds don't have the concept of object permanence. If you cover a toy with a blanket, to a little child it is gone, not there. If you cover your face for a moment, they are surprised to see that you are still there after you uncover your face. That is why peek-a-boo with a baby is so fun, it is unexpected to them. As they get older, they understand "object permanence", they know that if they can't see something, they can look for it and find it. We are like a little child with the Lord in that way. If for a moment we can't see his face or see his blessings to us, we begin to wonder if we've lost him or if he is still there. Knowing the Lord is still there when his face feels hidden is difficult, but is a step toward maturing faith. Finding Him when we thought he was hidden from us fills our heart, we begin to understand that the Lord's connection to us is so deep, He will never leave us alone. There is peace in knowing He will always be with us.
Are there areas in your heart where grief and sadness have been swept to the corners or hidden under the rug? This year may have made some of those tender areas resurface. Invite the Lord into those hidden corners of your heart. Ask the Lord how he saw that moment, and where He was. Invite his glory, his love, his redemption, his victory over death and sin to come into the broken parts. The Lord redeems us as a whole. He also rescues and redeems the moments that feel broken. Jesus and his love are the balm, the healing that we so much need. What a loving friend our Redeemer is!
I wanted to share a few experiences that have taught me about Jesus' love for you and me. Some of them have to do with parenting, and special needs, that is where I have learned more about the Lord. A couple years ago I was walking. It had been a very hard day for our child with special medical needs the day before. I had just heard about another little girl with similar conditions that had been unfairly treated medically, leaving her with lifelong ramifications. My heart ached for these little ones, for what they have faced and for what may still lie ahead for them. I felt angry at the injustices of people who don't understand, adding to the load already carried by these children. I asked the Lord to walk with me and to help me feel peace again. I apologized to the Lord for my anger and frustration, "Sorry I don't have anything nice to say to you." The Lord answered "It's OK, I can take it, I can take your anger. Tell me." I saw myself banging my fists on the Lord's chest, crying, angry, frustrated at the injustices of our fallen world. He didn't turn me away, or reproach my feelings, he just listened. I felt that these little children are in his hands, and that they had been doing a great work, bringing people to Him. He reminded me of the blind man in John in whom was manifested the power and works of God (John 9). My anger evaporated. In it's place was peace, not my own, but peace given to me from the Lord. When I turn to Jesus, the Savior takes my ugly, angry feelings, and in return gives me understanding and peace, helping me through the trials. What an amazing friend we have in Jesus. What love he has for each of us!
It is amazing to me that the Lord has all of his beautiful creations- forests, waterfalls, oceans, all of what He has made is His to be in. Yet it is our brokenness, our lowly and messy lives that he chooses to work. He nurtures the seed of faith and trust in Him, encouraging it to grow. So often I feel like my life is muddy and my feelings are not reverent or holy yet Jesus does not turn away from us.
One barrier to seeking the Lord is when we feel we will never be able to do everything just right, never be worthy of the Lord answering our prayers. Whether God speaks to us is not at all a reflection of our worthiness, but rather a reflection of God's amazing continuing condescension and desire to work with us. In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve saw their own nakedness, or their brokenness, their sin and vulnerability before God, Satan told them to hide, to be ashamed of being seen by God. He told them to cover themselves with fig leaves. God came to the garden, knowing they had disobeyed, but still looking for them and wanting to talk with them. When we see ourselves in our vulnerable, broken, sinful state, the devil tells us to hide, to hide away from God. Sometimes I reach the end of my patience and I reach for something to fill the emptiness. We all have at least a few coping mechanisms, some unhealthy, others healthy. When I am at that point, often I feel ashamed of being so tired, so empty of patience and love, and am afraid of saying or doing something that would bring further regret. The adversary tells us we are not worthy to talk to God when we feel this way and that we should be ashamed. The moments when we feel most broken are exactly when God wants most for us to talk to Him. God is looking for me, for each of us. When we see our sins and feel naked before God, at the end of our rope, that is when God is most looking for us and calling our name. Jesus suffering and great sacrifice for us is His cloak of love thrown over us, the covering of our nakedness before God. His sacrifice for us is what gives us grace. What amazing love He gives us! How wonderful our Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior are! How could I turn to false sources of comfort when the Lord is so understanding and so full of love for me? I have started trying to pray at those times instead of hiding away from God. He tells me things like "You did a hard thing today. I saw how hard you tried. Tomorrow you can try again. I love you." Where I turn for comfort when I feel broken tells a lot about where my heart is. Do we really love God as much as we say we do?
I have been thinking about the Lord being our living water. "Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14
Water takes many forms in nature- clouds, rain, morning dew, snow, springs, rivers, oceans, glaciers. From the deepest valleys of the ocean floor, to the unlimited sky, water is there.
Water's many forms are praising The Lord's glory, water's sharing.
In white billowed clouds gathering, Sun's majestic fire reflecting.
Under your wings you're gathering, Father's light in you reflecting.
In generous rain descending, Springs from mountains always flowing.
Father's, Mother's love descending, Given freely, always flowing.
Rivers to the oceans pouring, Oceans tides, waves, cleansing, washing.
Lamb of God's blood, life, love pouring, Renewing hope, cleansing, washing.
Thundering waterfalls roaring,
Crashing droplets, rainbows holding.
Lion of Judah roaring,
All power, virtue, love holding.
Silent snowflakes gently falling,
White snow, blanketing, covering.
Heaven's light, grace gently falling, Pure love, blanketing, covering.
Last year I shared a blog post about a Take Courage Quilt, a collage of scriptures and a mountain landscape I made. This quilt has reminded me of God's promises and God's love many times. I wanted to share the quilt design with any friends or family who would like a copy (link at the bottom of this post). My son, Samuel, helped me make the scripture print easier to read, and also made a Spanish version of the quilt. I am so thankful for his help in editing it. It is not to be sold, only to be printed for private use and enjoyment.
There are different options for printing.
You can download it and print it at any photo center as a picture- Sam sized it 20x30 for printing since that is a common print size. This costs about $10-15, depending on where you print it. If you print it smaller than this, it is hard to read the scriptures.
Most photo centers also print a 50x60" fleece blanket for about $40. Sam helped me size the picture for printing this size as well. There are Spanish and English versions of this too.
Printing on fabric. I used Spoonflower, a company that prints any customer's design on a selection of fabrics- cotton, silk, satin, velvet, fleece, denim, and other fabrics. It costs slightly more than the photo centers, but it's fun to pick your fabric and choose how to finish it. It will need to be finished with a backing and/or an edge if you go through Spoonflower. I have uploaded the quilt design in English and Spanish and the Original unedited quilt (links highlighted) to Spoonflower. One tricky thing is that Spoonflower only sells in 1-yard increments, they won't sell 1 1/2 yards. This quilt is longer than 1 yard, so you will have to buy 2 yards to get the full quilt.
My prayer is that we remember all the wonderful things the Lord has done for us in creating our earth, in giving us his Son, for us, in making many miracles and blessings for each of us. I hope we see the Lord's love in what he has created for us.
The scripture "The joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10, has taken on more meaning lately. The challenges of this year have humbled us. Expressing joy and gratitude to the Lord for how wonderful he is, and spending time praising the Lord for all that we love about him is a protective shield against the disappointment, frustration, and other challenges we face. Praising God keeps the devil far away. Joy in the Lord truly is a strength and helps us to maintain perspective in challenges. Praising our Creator, our Savior who suffered all for us, who will soon return, and who has a plan for us, is strengthening.
I heard a Christian minister, Sadhu Sundar, talk about worship. He said that to draw closer to God, we need to worship better, most of us haven't been taught how to worship. Angels sing and worship God, they are always praising, glorifying, and worshipping God. If we are to have the company of angels that is prophesied in the last days, and their help in fighting our battles; we need to learn to worship and praise God like his angels do. When we spend time in prayer, or in our holy time with the Lord, it helps to make praise a regular part of that time with the Lord. Sometimes I come to the Lord with my troubles, and by the time I am done thanking the Lord and praising him for his goodness, worry has been replaced by confidence that He will provide what is needed, as he has in the past.
What it is that you love about the Lord? Tell Him! Say it out loud. Thank Him for being all-knowing, that he created all the earth, that he has provided for us. Tell him what you love about his creations, and how they remind you of Him. Tell the Lord why you are thankful for Him.
In sharing some of the things that have helped me, I don't mean to imply that there is only one right way to worship God or find peace in Him. Each of us have unique ways that the Lord speaks to us, he knows us individually. These are some things that have helped me to feel the Lord closer. I don't say this from an armchair of comfort, with no challenges to speak of. Like many others, this year has brought challenges!
Songs of Praise
When we are in our personal prayer time with God, singing to the Lord can really help us feel His Spirit closer. The Psalms in the Bible were written to be sung to worship God. Reading or singing the Psalms can help us enter in the spirit of praise and worship. Sometimes it is meaningful to take a hymn that we know and love, and to make it our own. For example, the song, "I Stand All Amazed" is a beautiful song that helps us feel the wonder and truthfulness of Jesus' sacrifice. You can sing this as if Jesus was standing next to you and we were singing to Him. Replace the pronouns "He" with "you". For example, "I stand all amazed at the love that you offer me. Confused at the grace that so fully you proffer me. I tremble to know that for me you were crucified. That for me a sinner, you suffered, you bled and died. . . . Oh it is wonderful that you would care for me enough to die for me." The songs that are sung directly to the Lord from us feel the most worshipful. These songs are as if we were speaking to the Lord. Other Christian songs that are directed to other people, in telling them about the Lord, are good, but the most special songs are directed to the Lord, from our hearts.
Using the Scriptures as guides for prayer
Isaiah 53 is a very special chapter to read as a personal prayer to God. It is such a beautiful chapter describing Jesus and what he has done for us. Take the phrases to help you thank the Lord for what he has done for you personally.
"For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of dry ground; he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all."
It is a good experience to make this chapter a personal prayer of gratitude and praise. Thank Jesus for the load he carried for you, for taking our chastisement, for carrying our griefs. Ask forgiveness for the times we have hid our faces from Him, or have turned to our own ways. Another good chapter to read as a prayer is Psalms 23.
Thanking God for Nature
God created the beauty of nature to remind us of his Son, and his loving sacrifice. Thanking him for the gifts in nature opens our eyes to see more of Jesus and our Heavenly Parents in nature. What do you see in nature that reminds you of their love? Is it evergreen trees? The sunlight shining? Is it rivers flowing?
When I see stalks of wheat or seeds in the fall, they remind me of Jesus. The night of the last supper, Jesus told his disciples, "Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." John 12:24. He was talking about his sacrifice. He was the seed that died to bring forth more fruit.
Autumn's golden stems and seeds
Tell of Jesus' pure love gift.
Heaven's purest gold came down
To die, that we might live.
See how Jesus feeds birds, deer,
With tall golden stalks of fall.
Every needful thing for growth
He lovingly gives us all.
Winter storms help souls to grow,
Help us seek God much deeper.
Hail, ice, wind, and snow make us
Hunger to find Him nearer.
The snow and roses in our garden reminded me of Isaiah's words about Jesus, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord; though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18.
During the first year and a half of our baby daughter's life, she needed expensive medical supplies. It was humbling to rely so much on a box in the mail every month for the things she needed most. There were many hiccups in getting supplies- insurance wasn't timely in paying for the supplies, which led to home health companies that would no longer accept our insurance, and then there were shortages of supplies. A couple times, trying to get the supplies left me in tears because of how frustrating it was. Her medical supplies were a lifeline for her. Once a kind person at a medical supply company, someone I'd never met, expedited our supplies during a shortage, we were about to run out. I cried because of relief and gratitude when I opened that box. The Lord was so good to us, we never went without what she needed. One of the things that came as part of her supplies in a wound care kit was a travel size mirror. She was too little to hold it or use it, the wound kit was created for adults. I hadn't realized how valuable a mirror is until then. Someone with a wound doesn't see clearly all the edges of their wound, a mirror helps to see the wound better. A mirror helps to know what needs to be cleaned, dressed, or given more attention.
2020 has felt like a mirror. We all have wounds that need the Lord's healing, and we may have not been fully aware of how deep some wounds are. I have seen some of those spots needing healing, the wounds, in myself more this year. Looking in the mirror, we have also seen more clearly where our priorities need to be and who matters most in our lives.
The fragility of some relationships have been revealed this year, while other relationships have been strengthened. What have you learned about yourself this year? Have there been some eye-opening moments, and moments of clarity of what is needed? The Lord is giving us a chance to put our lives in order, to repent, and come to Him.
We have had plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness this year. With the division felt more in the world, how are we reacting? Am I forgiving and merciful as the Savior is with me? Forgiveness doesn't come easy for me, it has often felt like a really hard thing to do. Enos describes his prayer for forgiveness and coming to the Lord as a wrestle. It is a wrestle to fight my ego and desire to be right, to really see my sins, to humble myself, and seek forgiveness. We have to completely let go of pride, resentment, anger, guilt, fear, and shame. Those things block our hearts from receiving the deep love and peace Jesus wants to give us. Receiving the Lord's cleansing love, peace, and forgiveness is worth any and every effort.
Enos says "I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins. Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart. And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens. And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away. And I said: Lord, how is it done? And he said unto me; Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou has never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole. Now it came to pass that when I had heard these words I began to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites; wherefore, I did pour out my whole soul unto God for them. And while I was thus struggling in the spirit, behold, the voice of the Lord came into my mind again, saying: I will visit thy brethren according to their diligence in keeping my commandments."" Enos 1:2-7
Working on forgiveness, for myself and to forgive others, I am more amazed at Jesus' willing sacrifice for us. How differently he operates than we do, he forgave and loved everyone, even those who crucified him. Jesus' love and forgiveness while suffering immensely are telling of his deep, deep love for us. His sacrifice is also evidence of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother's deep, deep love for us.
A song I love is "Oh, the Deep Deep Love of Jesus" sung by Audrey Assad.
Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me
Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To your glorious rest above
Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus
'Tis heaven of heavens to me
And it lifts me up to glory
For it lifts me up to thee
Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus
Spread his praise from shore to shore
How he loves us, ever loves us,
Changes never, nevermore
Jesus taught about forgiveness towards the end of the Sermon on the Mount. Luke and Matthew recorded very similar accounts. Actually doing what Jesus taught is rare and difficult to do. Jesus lived what he taught, and his words describe what he did for us, and what he expects of us. Luke 6 says "But I say unto you who hear my words, Love your enemies, do good to them who hate you. Bless them who curse you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you. And unto him who smiteth thee on the cheek, offer also the other; or in other words, it is better to offer the other, than to revile again. And him who taketh away thy cloak, forbid not to take thy coat also. For it is better that thou suffer thine enemy to take these things, than to contend with him. Verily I say unto you, Your Heavenly Father who seeth in secret, shall bring that wicked one to judgment. Therefore give to every man who asketh of thee; and of him who taketh away thy goods, ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them only who love you, what reward have you? For sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what reward have you? For sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great; and ye shall be the children of the Highest; for he is kind unto the unthankful and the evil. Be ye therefore merciful as your Father also is merciful."
Jesus continues, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? Shall they not both fall into the ditch? A disciple is not above his master; but every one that is perfect shall be as his master. And why beholdest thou the mote which is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Again, how canst thou say to thy brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam which is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote which is in thy brother's eye." Luke 6: 27-42, JST included.
Jesus' words and teachings are worth thinking and pondering many times. It can take time for the meanings to really sink in. Whenever I start to complain about some crazy thing someone has said or done, Edward tells me, "Remember the beam and the mote, Les." Edward has said that many times over the years.
I've wondered why the Savior uses this example of a beam and mote. A mote is a tiny speck. I've known people that have made pretty serious mistakes, and they seem like big beams to me. Why does Jesus say that the beam is in my eye and the mote in the other person's eye? After some thought and prayer, it dawned that I am to be concerned with my own salvation. My own sins are the big beams that will keep me out of heaven- the pride, the judgment, the not forgiving others. Those sins will keep me out of heaven, not other's sins. What other people do, the mote, has little final impact on the condition of my heart. The condition of my heart, how I see others, whether it is humble, repentant, forgiving, and loving is up to me. Are my thoughts clean, pure, loving, and compassionate? Or are my thoughts of others judgmental and prideful? Do I think of others and treat them with Christ-like love? The sins of pride, contempt, anger, criticism, are the big beams that will be roadblocks barring me from heaven. What other people do- that is a mote, a tiny speck, in my life, very small. It was never between them and me, it has always been between God and me. The big beams are my own faults and sins that keep me away from God. Jesus was nailed to a wooden beam, our beam. My beam, my problems, he was nailed to them and carried them. He suffered for my sins, that I might not suffer if I would repent and accept his sacrifice for me. What greater love have we ever seen? I love Jesus with all my heart, but I probably don't let the truth of his ultimate sacrifice permeate and sink into my heart as deeply as I need to.
In my garden, I add a couple bags of compost in the spring. The bagged compost is so dry, that with the first watering, the water mostly runs off. It takes several times of watering it and disrupting the soil before it begins to absorb the water it needs. Sometimes we are like that dry dirt, we don't absorb deeply enough the very thing we are most in need of- Jesus' love, forgiveness, and peace. It takes many, many times of feeling Jesus' love and forgiveness before it begins to soften our hearts.
Coming back to the beam and the mote, it is interesting that Jesus describes the beam as being in our eye. He could have said you have a rock in your shoe, or you have a splinter in your hand, or your nose is kind of broken, but he says it's a beam in my eye. It's how little I see, my limited vision, that concerns the Lord. How little I see and feel of the love with which Heaven sees all of us. He is telling me that my vision is very obstructed by my own sins. Until I repent and experience personally the amazing love, mercy, and cleansing forgiveness from the Lord, I won't be in the right frame of mind to see, to love and forgive others. Jesus' way of telling us the truth at a deep level, and telling us to repent with so much love is amazing.
In this parable, of the beam and the mote, Jesus tells me that I am blind, but I think I can see well. If my life is like walking on a mountain trail, Jesus is trying to keep me from falling over the rocks and obstacles in my path. He is telling me, "You have to let me guide you on this trail, you can hardly see clearly with the sins you carry. Take my hand, let me carry your burdens, and let me lead you."
This summer, we went on a backpacking trip with my family. It was my first time backpacking, and my first time leaving our youngest children for several days. Edward stayed home so that I could go. He took care of the medical care for our daughter and took care of our youngest children. After a long day of hiking, carrying heavy backpacks, we went to the river by our campsite to get some water to filter for drinking and ended up going for a swim in the cold mountain river. The water was so refreshing, it washed off more than many layers of dirt and mosquito spray, it also washed away years of stress and worry. In the cold river water, I felt that things were going to be OK, I felt an optimism that things would work out. It was as if the optimism of youth that I had lost was returned to me in the river swim. I am thankful the Lord gives us moments like this, to feel wonder, peace, and reassurance. I needed that swim in the cold river water, it was a gift to me from God. Have there been moments of clarity like that for you, when God gave you perspective for a moment?
Forgiveness is like that refreshing water, I regularly need to come to the water, to get a drink, and clean up. Asking Jesus to forgive me, and forgiving myself is like drawing refreshing, cleansing water out of the river. Forgiving others for mistakes is giving others the mercy and forgiveness I am in need of myself. They are as thirsty and in need of forgiving, cleansing water as I am.
When a river flows and moves, it gives life to everything around it because it is moving. Forgiveness and love need to cleanse me, pass through me, and be given freely to all the people in my life as well. We are to become like an empty vessel, by itself it isn't anything, but carrying God's love, mercy, and forgiveness to others, it becomes meaningful. Water is meant to flow, to move, to be spread, shared, to give life wherever it goes, like Jesus' love for us gives us new life and hope. We are meant to receive Jesus' love and forgiveness and to extend that love and forgiveness to others. If the water in a lake stops moving, if there is no outlet, it becomes dead. The salt and minerals accumulate too much and nothing will grow.
As we were swimming in the river, my brother jokingly said, "I hope the people downstream from us have a good water filter! I hope we have a good water filter for the people swimming upstream from us!" It is true, having a good filter is critical. Asking the Lord to help us with the discernment is so important.
Both Matthew and Luke record Jesus talking about discernment, following Jesus teachings on forgiveness. He warns of men who appear to be sheep, but are inwardly ravening wolves. In a culture where outward appearance is valued so highly, we are especially susceptible to being deceived by well-dressed, smooth-talking con artists. "Ye shall know them by their fruits; for do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit; neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit, is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." Matthew 7:25-29. Jesus is asking us to be discerning and cautious. Matthew also records Jesus' warning "And the mysteries of the kingdom ye shall keep within yourselves; It is not meet to give that which is holy unto the dogs; neither cast ye your pearls unto swine" Matthew 7:10. Jesus asks us to forgive but also asks us to treasure and protect the things most precious to us- our pearls, the things that are holy and sacred to us. My pearls are my relationship with God and the relationships in my family. Protecting what is holy or sacred in our lives can mean putting up boundaries to protect our family and home. For me it means preserving my energy for my children and family. One of the blessings that has come with a child with special needs, is that I value more the little moments, they feel more miraculous to me. When I was pregnant, I was told our daughter with special needs wouldn't make it. It has made me appreciate more the time with my children and husband. Little things like going on a walk, or reading a book together, or doing a craft together- feel like big blessings. One of my goals is to focus my time and energy on my family, and on my relationship with God this year, to be more present. I like this song by Amy Grant, "Better than a Hallelujah." Its message is that there is holiness in the simple moments.
My prayer is that this year brings us closer to God. I pray we will see where we need to let his healing and love into our hearts, and ask him to heal what is hurt in us. I pray 2020 brings us a clearer vision of what we can do to mend the relationships most sacred to us- our relationship with our Lord, and the relationships in our families. I pray we can feel Jesus' love over us, underneath us, and all around us.
In my last post, I wrote a little about bees. This is a continuation of that. The Lord showed me a little more about bees this week that left me in awe of nature's testimony of God. But first I wanted to introduce you to the wonder of bees so you will appreciate more God's hand in creating bees.
I looked in my journal notes and found this from 10 years ago, about bees. At the time we had 5 children. "I went to a beekeeping class. I never intended to learn about bees, but one of our neighbors invited me to bring our older boys to watch him tend his bees. I took the boys over, and somehow my son and I ended up with beekeepers gear on, surrounded by humming bees. It was awesome to be surrounded by the bees humming and be safe from their stings and be able to watch them so up close. It felt like I got a peek into their world. Their humming was like calming music. My beekeeping neighbor told a few people in our church ward about a beekeeping class, so I went with 2 of my friends from our church. As I listened to the class, I was amazed at what clean, intelligent, hardworking, amazing insects bees are. Bees orient themselves every time they leave the hive, by finding the sun. The sun is how they navigate. When they come back to the hive, after finding a new source of nectar, they will do a waggle dance to show the other bees where the nectar they are carrying came from. Bees will share the nectar from the flower so that the other worker bees will recognize the flower’s nectar when they taste it. They store nectar in the honeycomb cells they make. From what I gathered, honey is condensed flower nectar. Many foods that we eat are entirely dependent on the work of bees pollinating the flowers. Without bees we would not have most fruits, vegetables and nuts. Bees are small but critical to our food supply.
A beehive is clean and organized. Like my Mom used to say “A place for everything and everything in its place”. There is a place for honey and nectar, another place where the bees keep their eggs, and of course a place for the queen. When a bee hatches from its cell, one of the first things it does is clean out the cell so that it can be used again by another bee. They don’t allow anything dirty or dead in the hive. Dead bees are carried out. If a mouse or beetle gets in, they will kill it by stinging it. If it’s too heavy for the bees to carry out of the hive, they will cover it with a very thick layer of propolis (tree resin) so that it won’t contaminate the hive or honey.
In the winter bees stay in their hive mostly, eating the honey they produced and stored in the summer. Given the opportunity, they will continue to produce and store honey for several years of storage. Beekeepers will leave the bees with 1 year’s worth of honey in the hive, the extra honey is harvested. In the winter bees only take a few flights out of the beehive on warmer days, “cleansing flights” to eliminate waste. If the weather is too cold and they can’t take a cleansing flight, bees just wait and wait, and sometimes get bowel problems because they don’t want to eliminate or poop in their hive. They keep their beehive at 93 degrees Fahrenheit (33.9 degrees Celsius) all year- winter and summer. In the summer bees use their wings to fan the hive and keep it cool. In the winter bees seal up all the cracks in the hive with propolis, and they huddle together in a mass. They take turns being on the outside, just like penguins in Antarctica take turns being on the outside of their huddle for warmth. During the winter, a bee can live 4-6 months. In the summer a bee lives a much shorter life, only 4- 6 weeks. A bee will literally work itself to death, working for the hive. It will work so hard to carry nectar that it will fray its wings, trying to carry as much nectar as possible back to the hive. It will gather and carry almost its own weight in nectar. Bees are the only insect that makes food for people to eat. Bees are very sensitive to insecticides and pollution. A single bee returning to the hive with insecticide can make an entire hive sick, and possibly kill the hive. If an insecticide is to be used, it should be sprayed when the bees are inactive, when the sun isn't up- after sunset or before sunrise. The bee population decline in recent years may be signs of increasing pollution in our earth.
As I was taking this class, and thinking about what amazing insects bees are, something that I hadn’t understood about my Grandma Bonnie clicked, and I understood a bit more about her. I always felt that Grandma Bonnie died too soon- 74, I wish she could have lived much longer. I had in my mind reasoned that she worked too hard, and that giving birth and raising 10 children had taken too hard a toll on her body. I’d thought to myself that I didn’t want to work quite so hard. I like the saying “Take it easy.” Thinking about the bees, I realized Grandma Bonnie was like one of the bees, she knew what her purpose was in life, and she worked hard to serve God, her family and community. She didn’t worry about herself, as much as she worried about those that could benefit from her labors. I can be a little more like that. A long easy life isn’t the goal, serving others as the Savior did is the goal. It reminded me of what President Kimball said, “My life is like my shoes—to be worn out in service”. I’m not saying we’re going to have 10 children, but I'm beginning to understand that a lot of work is OK.
I came home and told my children about the bees. After my enthusiastic bee lecture, I said “You see kids, we can all be a little more like the bees. You know the first thing they do when they hatch is clean their rooms.” Ethan (9 years old then) quickly answered “Yeah, but they only live 4-6 weeks. What do you want to do, work us to death?” He has always made me laugh with his sense of humor. Ethan has grown up now, he is 19. I never have to remind him to clean his room, he is meticulously clean and a very hard worker. How did 10 years go by so quickly and he grow up so fast? He was the one to come with me to see our neighbor's bees. He is a gift in my life, as are all of my children.
As I mentioned in my last post, When I need a break or something to clear my mind, I sit outside and watch the sky, the trees, the flowers and the bees at work. It helps me remember that God is in charge. Bees love the mint plants that spread themselves across our flower beds. It's easy to notice the differences between bees and wasps as they fly around the flowers. Bees fly or dance with a graceful motion, and they purposefully fly directly to the center of the flowers, to feed on the nectar. Wasps are erratic in their flight and not centered on the flower. Wasps will land anywhere on a plant and eat anything- the leaves, the nectar, even other insects. They are very different than the bees that only eat nectar. For us, Jesus is the center. He is the nectar, the sweetness. If we take a lesson from the bees, we nourish ourselves with Jesus' love- it is the sweetest, most meaningful and true nourishment. Developing and nurturing a relationship with Jesus is the most important thing we can do. Seeking to hear him, to do his will, and to see him is our heart's desire.
One morning last week I was walking at the park. Where I live, the sun comes over the mountain at 7:30 am in the summer, so I was up before sunrise- but it wasn't very early. There was a sunflower on the trail, when I looked at it, I saw there was a bee curled up motionless in the middle of the flower. I didn't know if the bee was dead, so I nudged it. It fell out of the flower and began crawling on the ground. It had been sleeping and I woke it up. Oops! I didn't know bees slept in sunflowers!
I checked another sunflower, and there were a couple bees sleeping in it too. I walked around the park checking the sunflowers and found many bees sleeping in sunflowers, in the centers of the sunflowers. I motioned to a couple of my friends that were also walking to come and see the bees sleeping in the flowers. It was so sweet to watch the bees sleeping- normally it is hard to take a picture of a bee because they are so busy and active, but here they were curled up, covered with pollen and fast asleep. When the sun came up, the light on the bees woke them up and they began their work. I checked many of the sunflowers where the bees had been sleeping, and they were now awake and busy at work. It felt like the Lord was showing me something really special.
Sunflowers face the sun, and follow the sun as it moves across the sky. I love sunflowers for that trait of always following the sun. Bees also use the sun for orientation and direction, they are only active when the sun is out. Do I orient my thoughts and actions by the Son of God? Do I care more about pleasing the Lord and doing his will or being acceptable to my friends and family?
I thought about the bees, getting ready for the dark night. Curling up next to the nectar, their source of food. A sunflower is easily bent and swayed by the wind, and the bees could easily get knocked out of the sunflower by a curious person walking by (me!) or anything else. Bees are willing to be exposed to the elements if they can be close to the nectar. When the darkness of night comes, I want to be like the bees that wait for the Son's return resting by the sweet nectar. Waiting close to the nectar seems a better place to meet the returning sun than sleeping in a hive. With winter, all the bees will be gathered into the hive to keep each other warm. For us, Jesus is the nectar, the sweetness and the center of our life. I think about the early missionaries far away from the comforts and safety of their home, teaching the gospel. They were like the bees sleeping in their fields of labor.
There is something special about sleep. Children always look the sweetest when they are sleeping. My children are past the age of falling asleep in my arms, but I loved it when they did because it meant they felt safe and protected in my care. Jesus fell asleep in the boat during a storm, He trusted in his Father's care. Bees sleeping next to the nectar of the flowers, out in the open and away from their hive was also very tender to see. Do I trust and rest in the Lord's care? The scriptures talk about entering into the Lord's rest. What does that mean for me?
To me the sweetness of knowing Jesus is knowing that his love is personal, given individually to me. That He loves me just as I am- broken, sinful and messy at times. I often feel like a toddler that can't help but get into messes every time I turn around. Recently we went to the park with my children. We made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It was comical to see how much of a mess our little 4 year old can make, even with me watching her closely. She pulled the sandwich apart, jam and peanut butter were all over her face- from ear to ear, she rested her elbow and arm in the jam side of the bread she tore apart, getting jam from her elbow to her wrist, and touched her water bottle with her sticky hands. It took a few baby wipes and 3 trips to the bathroom to wash her hands while she was eating her sandwich. Easily distracted, she didn't finish her sandwich. What was left of her sandwich was such a mess that I threw it away. We got in the car to come home, and she was asking for the rest of her sandwich, crying that she didn't finish her sandwich. We got home, she ate, had a bath, and then a nap. When she sleeps we all can relax. I must be that messy toddler to Jesus. It doesn't take hardly anything for me to get upset, say rude things, and lose focus. I bet the Lord is relieved when I fall asleep too sometimes!
With my children, one of the sweet things is helping them get all cleaned up. I love the sweetness of a child who is so dependent on help, and how fresh and clean they are after getting cleaned up. Recently the Lord showed me that helping me get cleaned up was also sweet to him, and that as I take joy in a freshly bathed, cleaned baby, he also takes joy in me when I am clean. An image of Heavenly Mother lovingly and joyfully pouring water over her child and bathing them came to my mind.
Jesus' love for me was so much that He willingly allowed himself to suffer my pains and paid for my sins that I might become clean, and be saved if I will repent and come to Him. His sacrifice and love for us is our center. It is what grounds us, and puts everything in its right perspective. Knowing that we are loved deeply, and in his eyes are worth the sacrifice. Our center is knowing that Jesus poured out his precious, holy life for us personally. Do you feel Jesus' love for you personally, individually? It is more than just knowing about the Lord, it is about knowing him as your friend, and experiencing him in your life. I have heard some people talk about the Lord, and they recite many facts about his life. I wish that instead of the facts and verses in the scriptures, they would tell me what Jesus has done for them personally, how he has made their life more meaningful, and how he is teaching them individually. How is the Lord leading you personally, how is the Lord helping you and teaching you?
In 3 Nephi 11 of the Book of Mormon, we read about Jesus' visit to the Americas. Jesus says "I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning." His invitation to the people then is the same invitation he gives you and me today, and it is meant for us. "Arise and come forth unto me, that you may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world." Jesus invited the people to come and feel his wounds in his hands and feet, to know that he was slain for our sins. The people came and felt the prints of the nails in his hands and feet. They fell down and worshipped Jesus, proclaiming "Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God!" Then Jesus calls Nephi, one of his disciples and friends. "Nephi arose and went forth and bowed himself before the Lord and did kiss his feet." Nephi kissed Jesus' feet, it is interesting that this detail is recorded, Nephi kissing Jesus' feet. The marks of the nails were personal to Nephi. A visual and physical tie of what Jesus had done for him personally.
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only Begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Jesus is our sure foundation. Jesus himself is the sure foundation. Much of what we spend our time working for can be taken away, but Jesus' love for us will never be taken away. Knowing Jesus personally is the sweetness and nectar in our life. It is not enough to know we are loved by the Lord, to return the love is important too. What am I doing to show Jesus that I love Him? Do I trust Him? Listen to his words to me? Do I seek his will every day?
When Jesus returns, it will be like the sun coming up after a dark night. In the light of Jesus' love, darkness disappears and everything becomes clear, our challenges have meaning. Whatever we learn, whatever we teach, may it bring us to our knees in gratitude for Jesus and his great sacrifice and love for us.
A few months ago, I was thinking about all the chaos in the world. I was worried if our family would be OK through all that is unfolding. Many more of the events prophesied in the scripture are still to come, part of the cleansing process readying the earth and his people for the Lord's return. I asked the Lord to be with us through the current trials and those still to come. The Lord told me something I have thought about over and over again. The Lord asked me, "Where were you when your child was in the hospital for surgeries?" I thought back, I was with her the whole time she was in the hospital for her surgeries. I could not leave her side when she needed me most. He told me that is how he feels about me. He will not leave me alone when I need him most. He asked me to pray, think of Him, and read his words so that his spirit will be with me. What a blessing to know He will be closest to us, and not leave our side when our needs are the greatest. What a loving Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior we have. It was a new concept to me- that they are helping me because that is who they are. They are full of love for us, their children. I can do better in thinking of the Lord more, praying more, and reading his words more.
"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." Isaiah 49:15-16 ESV
When things are noisy or chaotic in my home, I go sit outside for a minute. Seeing the sky, the clouds, the trees and God's creations helps me to remember God's love and that he is in charge. I have been enjoying watching the bees in our yard and garden. The bees love the miniature white flowers shaped in a cluster on top of the mint plants, they are the perfect size for the bees tiny mouths to drink nectar from. Bees have a calming hum, it is like music. They fly or dance with a graceful motion, and they purposefully fly directly to the center of the flowers, to feed on the nectar. Wasps are erratic in their flight and not centered on the flower. Wasps will land anywhere on a plant and eat anything- the leaves, the nectar, even other insects. They are very different than the bees that only eat nectar. For us, Jesus is the center. He is the nectar, the sweetness. If we take a lesson from the bees, we nourish ourselves with Jesus' love- it is the sweetest, most meaningful and long-lasting nourishment. Jesus is the embodiment of our Heavenly Parents love for us, his sacrifice and life given willingly for us. Jesus' amazing love and grace for us is the sweetness we long for, and He gives meaning to our lives. There are many things we can try to nourish ourselves with- but only Jesus fills our heart's longing. My moments with Him are the best moments of my day. His words are food for my soul. How much of what I let into my life is distracting or preventing me from going to the Lord for comfort and nourishment?
One more story with our child with medical needs- she spends more time with me because of her medical needs but I love all of my children and they have each taught me invaluable lessons. She made a game for me, hiding little post-it notes with drawings on them. She hid them in my closet in funny places- under stacks of folded clothing, by my shoes, in the bed linens that are folded up. She wanted me to find all the post-it notes, they were supposed to lead me to one very special post-it note with a message. The very special post-it note had a message "I love you Mom" with a little stick figure drawing of me. She was so happy as I found her hidden notes, and loved seeing my surprise as I found them. She gave me a big hug when I found them. I am still finding her post-it notes in my closet.
Hang on to that thought about the post-it notes with an "I love you" written on them, I will come back to it in a minute. On my first blog post, I told a little of our story and how the Lord has been teaching us. I wrote that the more I know about the Lord Jesus, the more I want to know. How did he give his life with so much love and forgiveness, even in his last moments? Why did he do that for us? How did he have the strength to do what he did? What is it that makes him happy? What breaks his heart?
As time has passed, the Lord has answered my questions, a little at a time. The Lord told me one thing that breaks his heart is when we don't see all the gifts of love he has put around us. When we don't see his love for us. All around us are little messages of love, reminding us that Jesus loves us. Like my child's post-it notes. How often do we walk right by special blessings and gifts of love from Jesus without noticing or thanking him for them? Look around you when you step outside. Look at the blue sky covering the earth- that is his love that covers you and me. Look at the clouds that give shade from the sun and water for the earth- that is also his love. The trees, plants, everything around us testifies of Jesus' love for us. Nature testifies of our Heavenly Father and Mother's love and Jesus.
As I think back to the times when we were in the hospital with our child, there were blessings all around us, and the sweetness of the Lord's help was felt more than I'd ever experienced it before, even though she went through very difficult things. In thinking of the challenges ahead in preparation for the Second Coming, I look forward to more closeness with the Lord. Knowing that He will be with us takes away the fear.
One of my favorite scriptures is "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." D&C 84:88. This was given to missionaries who were going out to teach, but also applies to us when we are on the Lord's errand.
How has the Lord blessed you and shown his love to you? Am I looking for the messages of love around me from our Heavenly Parents and Jesus? Dear Lord, help me to see you. To see your love for me. Open my eyes, my ears to hear you. Clear my mind of worry that I can remember your words that are sweet like honey. Please be with me through what lies ahead.
One of my children made this card one year, and it reminds me of Jesus' love for us. "My hands are full of love for you" it reads, with flowers on the hands a heart in the middle.
This week some of my children and I hiked a hill by the windmills in Spanish Fork Canyon, it has a large cross on it. It was so windy, it was one of those rare moments when you feel the powerful force of nature, and how small and insignificant we are. We had to shout to hear each other speak, the wind was so strong. Another person was hiking, she said she lives close to the hill and has never seen it as windy as it was today. It took energy to focus on the rocky trail that was steep in a few places because the wind felt like it would blow us over. We saw a huge boulder on the hill and went to the rock for shelter. The large rock stopped the wind, and we rested in the shadow of the rock before going to the cross.
Once we were back in the wind, the kids loved leaning into the wind to see how much of their weight the wind would support- for them the wind added to the adventure. We took a few pictures at the cross then headed back.
On the way back we rested at another huge boulder to get a break from the wind. In the shadow and shelter of the rock, it was still and quiet. It made us think of the scriptures that talk about Jesus being our Shelter, our Rock, and that in his shadow we can rest. I came home and looked up the scriptures that talk about this.
"The Lord is my Rock, and my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my Strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my High Tower. I will call upon the Lord, for he is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from mine enemies." Psalm 18:2-3
"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my Rock and my Salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the Rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (forever)." Psalm 62:5-8
One of the boulders had a hollowed-out round spot on the sheltered side. The hollowed part of the rock was shaped like a hollow part of a hand, and the thought came that Jesus holds us in his hand. The kids commented that the hollowed part was big enough to sleep in, and that even with the wind, this spot looked so safe you could camp here.
Jesus felt so safe in Heavenly Father's care, that he slept in the ship during the storm, when his disciples were afraid. That is a lot of faith and trust in his Father's care- to rest, and be able to sleep in a storm. I used to love it when my children fell asleep in my arms, because it meant they felt safe and protected in my care.
"And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat over into the ship; and he was in the hinder part of the ship asleep on a pillow; and they awoke him, and said unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace; be still; the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith? And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" Mark 4:30-33
Do we trust that we are in the Lord's care? I love the phrase Jesus used, "Peace; be still" followed by "and there was a great calm." Do I turn to Jesus to calm the storm in me? Am I focused on Jesus, or am I constantly checking news reports to see how bad the storm is? Would he say to me like he said to his beloved disciples, "Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?" Where is my faith? Is it in Jesus, Jesus alone? Where am I putting my faith? Is my faith in other people or in Jesus? Am I at rest in Jesus' care?
The things that were mild stresses before feel much more daunting with the pandemic. Some of the added difficulties feel like gusts of winds that are trying to knock us off our feet. Jesus is our rock, our rest, our shelter. With Jesus taking care of us, it will be OK. It was interesting on our hike that the wind was the strongest where the cross was. At the cross is where Jesus took the final punishment for us, bearing all the sorrows and pains of our sins. He also knelt and suffered for us in the Garden of Gethsemane, bleeding from every pore, suffering more than we can imagine. He took the storm for us, so that He can be our calm place, our shelter. How thankful I am that the God we worship would take time to teach us, walk alongside us, and give us reassurance that we are under his care and held in the hollow of his hand.
Thankfully during this pandemic we have felt more clarity of priorities and unexpected blessings. With the fire evacuation in our area a couple years ago, one of our daughter's health issues that had been ongoing for months, resolved. This time with the quarantine, we have also seen blessings in her health and progress which we have prayed a long time for- although other challenges remain. More time at home has been a blessing for us, more time to read, more time to learn together, more time to spend in the garden. It has been a time to think about what matters most. Some challenges during this time have been figuring out homeschool for so many children, in addition to daily medical care, monitoring long term health issues, and job loss. We trust that God will take care of every need, we have learned from experience that God loves and cares for His children in every situation. We are safe in his care and rejoice in his goodness to us.
We saw some sego lilies on our walk. Their shape is like 3 separate flowers that combine to form one.
"Your Heavenly Father will provide for you, whatsoever things ye need for food, what you shall eat: and for raiment, what ye shall wear or put on . . . Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these. Therefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is and tomorrow is cast into the oven, how much more will he not provide for you if ye are not of little faith." Matthew 6:28-34
I love this song "You Raise Me Up". It is how I feel about Jesus.
